Skunk Bombs and War Pigs

There's a regular tradition in Judea/Samaria...the fence protest. Jews, Arabs, and lately lots of foreigners, gather to demand the fence come down; you know, the security barrier that has brought terror attacks in Israel to a virtual halt.

Well for the first time in several months, the Israelis busted out...The Skunk Bomb. Apparently this involves the spraying of a liquid that stinks so bad that protesters disperse immediately. Contrary to rumor, the Skunk Bomb is not made from a liquified concentration of my raw broccoli and garlic farts (the Geneva Conventions prevent me from consuming these substances in combination as the results are almost always lethal), as this would most likely be considered a human rights violation by the international criminal court.

The use of the skunk bomb should also not be confused with the wild boar attacks which the Arabs of Samaria are accusing Israel of launching. Seriously. Israel is being accused of using hordes of wild boars to destroy Arab farm land. PA armed forces confirm these reports so they must be true. PA media says Yesha residents are releasing the wild boars to damage Arab crops. I suppose these would be special commando boars trained in krav maga, and snuck into Arab villages and farms where they subdue the populace, and have been trained to release the skunk bomb if caught. I'm going to assume that the pigs are also trained in how to distinguish between Arab farms and Jewish farms. Never mind that Yesha residents are largely religious folk, and consider the pig unkosher. Training them would surely be in violation of the dietary laws.

Other potential Zionist conspiracies include: global warming, the sky being blue, black holes, the Police Academy movies, Christmas, and the Flowbee.

The PA was prepared to launch a counter-strike with armed armadillos, but their bomb vests tended to overheat under the armadillos' armor and explode; that is if they could get the armadillos to wake up during the day. Night raids were not even attempted as the armadillo is nocturnal and spends its evenings foraging. It's best not to mess with a hungry armadillo.

The armadillo: heavily armored, but not designed for guerilla warfare

Not to be deterred, the PA is now attempting to arm goats, stoats, and ostriches.

Israel continues to cull the wild boars in areas under Israeli control, but Arab villages are under the control of the PA, so that's their bacon. The escalation in the animal warfare front has been put in the paws of first dog BoBama who is expected to resolve the crisis by barking at it.

In a related story, Iran is claiming that it has cloned a cow, raising concerns that Iran is going to ratchet up Middle Eastern animal combat by developing a nuclear bovine program. They claimed to have cloned a sheep in 2006, and a goat in April. The new head of the International Atomic Energy Agency, Yukiya Amano, stated that there is no evidence that Iran is attempting to clone nuclear animals.

The mullahs' formula for Iranian regional scientific supremacy?

For its part, Iran has declared that it plans to be the "regional leader in advanced sciences and technology" by 2025, which may indicate how long it will be before they have a nuclear weapon to destroy the region's current leader in advanced sciences and technology: Israel. Frankly, I don't see how the mullahs plan on doing this when they're currently executing their brightest minds, and they can't even produce a nuclear cow. Could it be that Iran's nuclear ambitions and desire to destroy the Jewish state originates in science envy?

The mullahs have however managed to pull off at least one cloning successfully.