Guest Post by Mrs. Butterworth: Special of the Day- Off-Shore Drilling Waffles or How I Learned to Love John McCain

Hi everyone it's me, America's favorite syrup icon Mrs. Butterworth.  I've been under the Panders bus since that ugly waffle incident in Pennsylvania (why that little whippersnapper couldn't just answer that nice reporter's question instead of being a total arrogant prick I'll never know).  But I've crawled out from underneath (don't worry about me I found a lovely spot near Jeremiah Wright--he's really a sweet little man once you get past the arrogance and racsim) to tell you that I too am a PUMA.  That's right, Mrs Butterworth will Just Say No Deal in November if Hillary doesn't get nominated.  I just couldn't vote for that Pampers after what he did to me and Hillary.  We ladies have to stick together...hee hee, I couldn't resist...I love a good pun.

At first I thought I might write in Hillary in November, should the super delegates fail to come to their senses in Denver.  I just couldn't bring myself to vote for McCain.  But Urkel sure is making it a lot easier for me to do just that. And besides, with the polls so close why risk that fascist getting into the White House so he can start making us compliant with his National Civilian Security Force (which, by the way, scares the maple out of me)?

I have to admit that I was not at all surprised that Hindenburg went from saying he would filibuster FISA to voting for it.  He doesn't stand up for anything.  He couldn't even stand by his waffle syrup.  Well, his FISA vote proved two things to me:

1. Pampers is not a Democrat.  I certainly don't want my phones being tapped while I'm talking to Uncle Ben, Sara Lee, Aunt Jemimah, Mrs Paul, or Betty Crocker (that Betty is such a gossip, who knows what the FBI would do with what they heard her say).
2. Hillary is still my candidate.  At least she is standing up to Bush, and fighting for our civil liberties, instead of bending over and taking it in the butt like that shill Nancy Pelosi.

And now he's waffling on off-shore drilling.  To John McCain's credit, he's not advocating a policy of enforced drilling.  He's not saying it must be done by federal fiat.  He's saying the federal restrictions should be lifted so that the states can decide whether they want to drill or not (remember, old school republicans...not those neo-con douchebages...believe in states' rights).  He knows that we won't see one drop of oil in the next 10 years from that, and that most states will not allow it, but it is a psychological boost that is already easing the minds of commodities traders, and is an idea that is getting some traction with the American electorate (with any luck we won't be using the internal combustion engine in America anymore anyway).  So what does Pampers do?  He let's it be known that he will support off-shore drilling as part of a comprehensive energy package.  He is so desperate to be loved that he will flip flop on virtually any issue.  Bless his heart. Well I don't see why he doesn't just power America with his expansive ego.  I hear that's how the DNC is going to keep the Invesco event "green."

All this flip flopping and his narcissism are such a turn off.  If he gets nominated in Denver then clearly we have to make the following choice:  Do we want a megalomaniacal narcissist in the White House, or someone who sees themselves as a public servant who puts the needs of the country first?  That was one of the things I loved most about that Hillary (and she's so plucky in those pantsuits).  I may not agree with Senator McCain on all the issues.  But I survived 8 years of Bush so I think I can get through four years of McCain.  And besides I've seen him on Saturday Night Live.  He's a quite a funny young man.  I feel better about voting for McCain every day (but don't you think for one second that I've doused my hopes for Hillary getting the nomination; the closer we get to the convention, the more realistic it seems).  And I just love his new web ad.  It has Charlton Heston in it.  I know a lot of you bitter ladies out there would just love to cover him with my syrup...well, not anymore since he's dead...but more in a Planet of the Apes kind of way...

Well, it's been a pleasure to get to "talk" to you, but I need to get back under the bus.  Making waffles with syrup for 18 million people isn't a walk in the park, but I gladly do it.  You kids are so sweet.