It's the same in any lingo

בַּת-בָּבֶל, הַשְּׁדוּדָה: אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיְשַׁלֶּם-לָךְ-- אֶת-גְּמוּלֵךְ, שֶׁגָּמַלְתּ לָנוּ
אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיֹּאחֵז וְנִפֵּץ אֶת-עֹלָלַיִךְ-- אֶל-הַסָּלַע


How can one be compelled to accept slavery? I simply refuse to do the master's bidding. He may torture me, break my bones to atoms and even kill me. He will then have my dead body, not my obedience. Ultimately, therefore, it is I who am the victor and not he, for he has failed in getting me to do what he wanted done. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? If not now, when? ~ Rav Hillel, Pirke Avot

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes
Wear It With Pride

26 January 2009

My Angel Girl Is Gone. All Things Must Pass.

 I received a call earlier this afternoon from my girlfriend.  She was frantic and in tears.  She had let my dogs out to go to the bathroom and play outside in the fenced yard in front of our house.  She went inside to use the bathroom.  In the few minutes there was someone came knocking on the door.  She dashed out to see who it was.  It was our next door neighbor who had brought the dead body of my dog Isabel Roverandom to our yard.  She had been struck by a car and killed instantly.  Our gates were closed.  There was no sign of them digging themselves out.  It is highly unlikely that they both managed to climb over the fence.  We suspect they might have been let out by some asshole in our neighborhood.  We just don't know [we now know that they dug their way out].  

The only thing I do know is that my best friend, the sweetest most loving dog that has ever lived, was killed by someone speeding down our quiet street, who didn't even have the decency to stop.  Because of someone's desire to get somewhere, on our going to nowhere street, my dog is dead.  I will never get to snuggle her, or sleep with her, walk with her, or play with her again.

I am beside myself with grief.  I was supposed to have more time.  I was supposed to watch her grow old.  I was supposed to have my dog alive when I came home today so she could jump all over me, and shower me with her hugs and kisses, which she did when we first met and she told me that I was going to be her dad.  Now she'll never be here to hug me again.

Her sister, who was also out, is unharmed physically.  I gave her chance to see Isabel's body.  She sniffed and kissed her, and growled some, wondering why she wouldn't get up.  I wept over her body for I don't know how long. 

She was my first dog.  She had terrible separation anxiety and required a lot of training, and medicine to help her get over it.  But adopting her sister is what really made the difference.  They healed each other.  Both had their issues; separation anxiety, and an early life of abuse and neglect.  They became fast friends, thick as thieves, as we all were in our pack.  Now one of us is gone, and my heart is broken.

We have made arrangements for her to be buried at a place she loved, and where we can visit her as much as we want.  We thought about burying her at our home, but nowhere is permanent and the thought of us moving away and leaving her with strangers is just something I couldn't live with.  She will be buried in a place of fond memories, grounds kept by people who cared for her and loved her.  

We have already decided that the best way to honor her is to begin, when we're ready, to foster dogs from the local shelter where Isabel was when I adopted her.  If we find one who fits our family, and is universally loved by all the furry members, then that dog will have a forever home with us.

Isabel, I love you with all my heart and soul and will always, but it will never compare to the love you gave to me.  You taught me more about myself than I could have ever learned on my own: the nature of love, and that even in a world populated by greedy, selfish, assholes who would just as soon slit your throat and burn your house down, there are souls on this earth who know no malice, who are devoid of guile, and who can touch our spirits and enliven us in ways we could not possibly have imagined.  You were one of those souls.  Your sister is as well.  If I ever encounter another with one tenth of your brilliance then I will consider myself blessed.

I love you more than words can tell, and that will never change.  Time heals all wounds they say, but no matter where I go, or what I do, the love you brought will remain with me.  And one day, we will meet again in that far green country, 'neath the swift sunrise.  

Travel safely my angel.  Watch over your sister, and all of us.  And if you can, beam some of that boundless love you gave into every living soul so that maybe this world will begin to turn around.

I love you.

To my readers:  I will be taking some time to be with my family, and to grieve.  I'll share some memories of my girl with you too.  Then it will be right back to fight.


20 comments:

garychapelhill said...

Shtuey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must feel right now. Take care of yourself.

Cinie said...

Oh, honey, I'm heartbroken for you. If you need anything, I'm here.

Logistics Monster said...

My heart goes out to you Shtuey! Anything you need - you call.

democraticjack said...

I lost my cat, Gizmo, this past week and know full well the grief. I comfort myself by the knowledge that she knew she was loved and I knew she loved me. It's so hard and I cry as I type.
Love means very little if you don't give it away and so I share it with you and the others who can sppreciate our little four legged friends for the light they shine on our lives.

Ron said...

So very sorry to hear that, Shtuey. When I was a kid, my dog fluffy was run over by a passing bus. I know the pain, sorrow, and emptiness you must feel. Cherish the memories and let time ease the pain.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved friend who we were all learning to appreciate and cherish.

F.T.

Pippa said...

What a good dog, so obviously well loved. Have happy memories and be comforted by them. Love, Pippa.

Anonymous said...

Shtuey - just want you to know that you are in my thoughts. I'm so sorry that your beloved Isabel Roverandum is gone. You were very fortunate to share your life with such a pure and loving soul - she was blessed to have a family that loved her with so much generosity and depth of passion. You will never forget her because she owns a part of your heart and soul, and in times to come, you will remember her with happiness and you will smile.

love Minnow x

Mary Ellen said...

Oh Shtuey! Please accept my very sincere sympathy for the loss of Isabel. It's difficult enough to see a family pet pass from illness, but this is much more difficult. I'm sure your sweetheart is still with you, they never leave you...believe me. I'm glad that you allowed her sister to sniff her and see Isabel, that's exactly what is done in the wild. Dogs grieve over lost friends and family, just like we do. When they just "disappear", it's much more difficult for them to understand and adjust. I know this from a personal experience with my own dogs.

Take all the time you need.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

uppitywoman08 said...

What a tragedy. I am so sorry. I can almost feel your pain. They take a piece of us with them when they leave us. But they leave a piece of themselves behind in our hearts. Watch over your Shtuey, Isabel.

Byron said...

Dear friend, I'm so sorry for your loss. Know that you are in my thoughts and heart today.

Smooches,
bb

Mirlo said...

Shtuey, I feel so sad because of your loss. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel, because I've lost an adopted dog that had been abused and abandoned in the mountains. There was never a more afectionate dog, and like Isabel's sister, our own Sam has been able to put her right after she had been so terribly traumatized. There is nothing anyone can say or do to ease your pain, because no words, no sympathy brings her back to you. Experiencing pain, we are left alone to deal with it. Still, I have lit a beautyful candle for your angel and you, knowing that ultimatly, there is comfort in sharing grieve.

Puma-SF said...

Shtuey: Words aren't enough to express how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful Isabel. Take time to grieve and know that we are here for you when you are ready.

Anonymous said...

I grieve with you. I have five dogs - all rescued. They hold my heart. My mother said that is was good that I have them - that they keep me human. Whenever one of my beloved dogs have ever died it was like I couldn't breathe. I truly grieve with you. I will keep you and your beloved dog in my prayers tonight.

petunia politik said...

Shtuey, the pain of loss is unspeakable and allowing yourself the time to grieve is essential. The devotion and adoration that you gave to Isabel will sustain her through her journey, for I truly believe there is a doggy heaven. My Penelope has probably met Isabel already and they're sharing stories of the crazy humans they love and know. Time does not heal all wounds, that is a fallacy. Time gives us the opportunity to accept and come to terms with our sadness, then and only then can we understand how fortunate we are to have had such love in our lives, and at that point, you will smile at the memories. G-d bless Isabel and you and your family.

Shtuey said...

Hey everyone. First, I want to say thank you to all of you for your kind words, prayers, and support.

It’s been a rough day, but also a good day.

Waking in the morning without Isabel was unbelievably hard and sparked a whole new round of sobbing. But our Spreadles, as we like to call her sister, has been a real godsend. She slept between us most of the night, and has largely been doing well. When we go out she goes right to the spot where Isabel’s body lay in our yard. She sniffs a bit, looks around, then she pees nearby. When she hears a noise she looks, maybe to see if it’s Isabel, or just going on alert (she’s a very vigilant dog).

But she’s been sunny and thoughtful, coming to snuggle while we cry. In many ways she is being the strong one for us. But I can tell that she’s bummed she doesn’t have her sister around.

I have decided to honor Isabel in a variety of ways, particularly involving the shelter that she came from. We went there today to talk to a few people about that. We are going to sponsor a kennel in Isabel’s memory, and we’re talking to them about setting up a fund in her memory, to help people defray the costs of training classes at the shelter, so that people in need of a little assistance paying the fee can afford them. With all the training involved with both our girls we thought that would also be a good way to honor her.

And while we were there we found the best way to honor her; to save another life. The shelter is filled to capacity with sweet, loving dogs. We’ll take some time, see who chooses us, and who the Spreadles approves (and who is not consumed with the desire to eat cats).

No dog could, or will replace Isabel. But being able to save a dog with Isabel’s zest for life is going to make our process that much more meaningful.

After leaving the shelter, we left to go get Isabel and move her to where she will be buried. The folks there had a thick cardboard casket for her and placed her inside, wrapped in the sheet we brought her in. When we got to the other place they let us have some alone time to say goodbye. We combed her fur and took some for her shrine, and to bury at all her special places, then we wrapped her in a special shawl.

So, it was a hard day, but it was also a comforting day. It felt good to be able to set things in motion to honor our girl, and help move physical Isabel through the transition, to prepare her body, and say goodbye just us. We’re still so sad, but we are feeling comforted tonight. She’s been with us every step of the way.

Thank you all again. Your support mean so much to us.

Mary Ellen said...

Shtuey- Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. You've given a beautiful tribute to Isabel and what you have done to help the shelter is such a wonderful act of kindness. I'm also happy to know you are thinking of adopting another dog. You'll know which one to choose to give a forever home, Isabel will point the way for you. A loved pet can never be replaced, but they will always be remembered.

All the best to you, kiddo.

truthisgold said...

OMG Shtuey, I cannot begin to tell you how deeply I feel your pain and loss and how terribly sorry I am to hear this devastating news. I was near tears as I read about this traumatic event--those who are blessed with the ability to love and care for dogs have a vulnerability commensurate with our capacity for that love--my heart hurts so much for you and Isabel, and her sister Spreadles. I still grieve for my Teddy, gone these three years, and while my two Golden girls who came after are still here, I know that, inevitably, the time will come for them as well. The worst is the shock of premature, unnecessary loss, however. You and your family of four footers remain in my heart, thoughts and prayer. I'm glad you were able to bring another member into the family so soon--it is the most loving thing for all concerned.

Anonymous said...

Shtuey,

My heart goes out to you and your girlfriend on the loss of your beloved friend/companion. Your dog resembles mine and I can't imagine him gone, much less taken in an accident.

Take time for remembrance and hold those special times dear and know that your on-line tribe is with you and thinking of you.

Woman Voter

cynthia washington said...

Shutey,

Just read about Isabel, I am so sorry about your lost. Many do not understand how our pets are our children and mean so much to the family. Your lost is even more difficult as her life was taken way too soon. It is hard enough when they grow old and we know their time is short, but to lose our pets because of someone's tragic mistake is even more devastating. Our prayers go out to you and your family as we are great animal lovers, but especially dogs. I can never see my family without one.

Take care and we pray for your healing.