Oh No Bo!

Shockingly, today was the debut of the Obama's new dog. It had been rumored that this announcement would have been made on Wednesday to coincide with the Tax Day Tea Parties so the media would have a built in excuse to avoid covering them. I wonder what the distraction story will be instead? Pirates? Michelle does pilates? Pizza? Peter Piper picks a peck of pickled peppers? No wait...Weighs and Means announces how much a woodchuck chucks if a woodchuck could chuck wood!

I'm sure by now you've heard all the details about the dog being a gift from Ted, the clandestine meetings, the analysis of his bowel movements until you want to vomit so I won't belabor the point. My dogs however have some words of advice for Bo (or is it Beau, after Beau Biden who helped effect the mugging of Larry Sinclair until after the DNC in Denver?)

Have these few precepts in thy memory

See thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportioned thought his act.

But do growl at Tim Geitner because he is an evil little weasel who is helping to fleece the American tax payer. Also growel at Bobby Gibbs because he is a sniveling little rat-faced git.

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.

Do however feel free to urinate on the shoes of your master

When he doth not feed you promptly.

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

Those you don't like, hump their legs as if the commencement

Of the 'morrow shalt not be.

Do not dull thy palm with entertainment;

That's your master's baiting job.

Trotted out before the cameras thou shalt be

When dark tidings arriveth for thine master (occur with great frequency this will,

To thine self acquire a stunt double; the flash of the cameras can be disorienting).

Beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in,
Bear't that the opposed may beware of thee.

Bite them on the ankle if your

Petition for cookies goes unheeded.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;

Or bite their ears and bark all the time.

You're a dog, just goeth for it.

Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.

Advice on the objects available for mastication shall be

Multiplied as the stars in heaven.

Your master's shoes doth possess a buttery leather quality.

When you're a puppy you can get away with those things.

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy (don't let them dress you up like an idiot);
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;

Just look at your master's wrinkled G20 suit.

He probably spent the night trying to hump

Carla Bruni's leg (you could definitely get away with that, so if she comes to the White House, go for it, but tell Larry Flynt you want a piece of the action when he publishes the photos).

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

If you let another dog borrow that roll of toilet paper or towels,

You are definitely not getting it back.

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
If you have to take a dump in the house, just do it.

You're the Resident's dog.

He's shitting all over us so shit all over the house.

You'll make a lot of Americans proud.

Here's an appropriate story for the times. Ya think Treasury will give them new money, or give it to the zombie banks instead? I'm betting on the banks.