The Swedish Question

The publishing of a wholly and totally fabricated story in a Swedish newspaper, reviving the old blood libel tales of yesteryear, has opened the debate as to what to do about Swedish Jew hate. Some are advocating a boycott of all things Swedish: Absolut vodka, Saab, Volvo, Ikea (Swedish for already been broken), Swedish porn, and ice hotels.

Boycotts, as we all know, usually fall far short of proving much of a point. Letters to the editor? Nah, too easily ignored.

Flooding the Swedish government's email, fax, and phone lines? Too passive aggressive.

Look, if you want to get your point across to Sweden there's really only one course of action:

Invasion.

Yes my Jewish brethren and sistren...invade Sweden. They're just sitting up there all smug in their sweaters and whatever it is they call pants. I think they need to be invaded.

Tactics

If you're going to invade a country like Sweden you have to immediately establish the Yiddishkeit. Cleary our existence annoys them so you want the first round of attack to have a certain degree of shock and awe...kosher style. I propose flying over their major cities and dropping foreskins on them. Moyels start collecting your tips.

Phase two: elite commando units will empty the country of all alcoholic products, replacing them with Manischewitz. If this doesn't have them begging to surrender we unleash our secret weapon in Phase three: the yentas.

Swedish men will send the already inordinately high suicide rate through the roof as men will be offing themselves just so they no longer have to hear, "You're wearing that tie with that suit?"

Once the yentas have worked their magic we proceed to phase 4: stripping their super market shelves bare and replacing everything with matzah. After a few days of not being able to pass a bowel movement they'll be out in the streets begging for stewed fruit. We will happily oblige if they would just divide their country and accept the Falacstinian "refugees" which they will no doubt want to do in order to protect them from the organ harvesting Jew pod people who hatch out of matza balls. The rest of the country will be opened as the homeland for the Jews for Yeshky who will be allowed to replace the matzah with loaves and fish heads, and turn water into bicarbonate of soda.

But post war Sweden will not be devoid of cheer. We'll give them an amusement park: Nazi Collaborator World. A month's salary and a reindeer gets you a weekend pass.

Hey, I'm a benevolent despot.