The Problem That Has A Name

The first chapter of Betty Friedan's revolutionary book "The Feminine Mystique" is entitled, "The Problem that Has No Name."  To state it simply, Friedan presented what was essentially a syndrome among American women that found them giving up school, getting engaged at younger and younger ages, and being pigeonholed into the roll of housewife as a matter of course, leaving them in an often lonely and restless state of dissatisfaction.  When I was first exposed to this book back in college it was presented as the watershed event that precipitated the sexual revolution.  I think my prof, a man, was trying to ingratiate himself with the ladies 

in the room.  I would argue that the sexual revolution in America began much earlier, but that's the subject of another post.  In 2008 those of us who stand as conscientious rejectors of the Democrat Party nominee are facing a new problem that, until now, had no name.

Our problem is that we very much do not want Barry Pampers Soetoro Obama to win on Tuesday.  Since May 31, 2008, and even before, we knew that he was never going to get our vote.  We didn't know we were PUMAs until we came together, we just knew we were not for Pampers.  Now, in the face of the election there is a new sensation.  If (when) Pampers loses on Tuesday I know I will simultaneously thrilled and dejected.

More than anything I know that Pampers must lose.  The future of the Democratic Party, and the future of democracy in America depends on it.  That does not necessarily mean that I want John McCain in the White House; though I do not think that the McCain presidency poses a threat to democracy, or will do nearly as large an amount of damage to our economy.  I think that he is more prepared to lead the nation and work with the Congress, not to mention that I will lose a lot less sleep.  I find his embracing of Clinton's HOLC revival plan to be VERY encouraging.  I also believe that should the Democrats retain the majority in Congress, the first call McCain will make if he must appoint a new Justice to the Supreme Court will be to Senator Clinton.  But it does mean that certain things we need to attend to will not be dealt with, though the same is true, only more so, with an Obama presidency.  The President we need, the President that the nation would have elected, got hijacked and beaten down by the very party that she has been so steadfastly working for ever since.  I don't know how you do it Hillary, I really don't.

What is the word for how I will feel on Tuesday when Pampers loses and McCain wins?  I will be ecstatic and dismayed.  I will have Euphorocitis: a simultaneous feeling of ecstasy and perturbation.  Common treatments for Euphorocitis are canceling the subscription to your newspaper, turning off the news, and avoiding political magazines and journals.  

Other treatments include: 

• Clinton as Majority Leader
• Working to exercise our powers under the Constitution to make our democracy more participatory
• Working to remove Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, Alexis Herman, Chris Dodd, Leah Daughtry, Don and Carol Fowler, and Alice Germond from the leadership of the Democratic Party
• Working to defeat Pampers' bid for reelection to the Senate
• Medically induced 4 year coma
• Chester Hopewell

What would we call the condition of being stuck with a Pampers presidency?

• Tsuris

Symptoms include:

• Loss of civil liberties
• Rampant fascism
• Numbing of the mind from thoughtspeak
• Escapist Nymphomania
• Emmigrationitis
• Hair loss
• High blood pressure
• Neuritis and neuralgia 
• Diarrhea
• Sexual disfunction
• Depression
• Ennui
• Weltschmerz
• Projectile vomitting
• Tooth decay

Treatment includes:

• Republican Congressional majority
• The Constitution
• Invasion by Canada
• Pampers Impeachment
• Avoiding the media
• Medically induced 4 year coma
• Chester Hopewell

Oy vey iz mir!