The Results Are In

Voting is closed for selecting the nominees for the Oy...My Valve! Peace Prize. The competition got tight towards the end, but we have our three finalists. They are:

1. The Unopened Box of #2 Pencils
2. My Phlegm
3. The Deflated NFL Regulation Football Bladder

Congratulations to our finalists! I know you are as thrilled as I am. Well, now the time has come to select which of these unaccomplished but charming objects has done more to bring peace to the known universe than Marack Peace Prize Pampers.

Unlike the nomination poll, voters will only be allowed to select one nominee. I know, they're all worthy, but you will have to select only the most worthy. Choose wisely. The fate of the universe is in your hands.

And here's a little something I found over at Caroline Glick's Blog. It's extremely appropriate, and hilarious. Enjoy!

John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'

and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing

went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells

and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,

which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report

by just listening to the bells.

John's favourite rooster, Barry, was a very fine specimen,

but this morning he noticed Barry's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing

pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, Barry had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't

ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Barry, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair

and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded Barry the No Bell Piece

Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly, Barry was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the

most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at

sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't

paying attention.

Vote carefully, the bells are not always audible.

Mad Scientists and Hot Air

A court order forced the release of a report regarding the finding of an Arab weapons lab in Abu Dis, east of Jerusalem. Three men were arrested on suspicion of building bombs and other weapons to be used in attacks in the Jerusalem area. The lab was found in mid-September, but was not reported until now.

Does this come as much of a shock? We all witnessed Fatah gather in Beit Lechem and vote to continue its attempt to eradicate the Jewish state. Well, some of us witnessed it. No one in Washington, the UN, or the EU seems to give a crap. And it doesn't seem that very many in the Knesset care either. La dee da...la dee da.

And, as I suspected, the Goldstone vote hasn't put much of a damper on Bibi's continuing efforts to negotiate a construction freeze. I seem to recall him, and a lot of other MKs shooting their mouths off about how an endorsement of the Goldstone Libel was going to determine whether Israel was willing to take further risks for peace. What's the point of seeking peace when the world tells you that you may not defend yourself, but terrorists can kill civilians?

But, Israeli envoys are being sent to Washington to continue the freeze talks. So, even though Fatah says they still seek to destroy Israel, the IDF found a weapons lab outside Jerusalem, and the world is all behind Goldstone, the current government is still willing to talk about halting construction that it had no business freezing in the first place.

Wow, what defiance. Way to stick to your guns Bibi. Nothing says protecting Israel's interests more than continuing to engage in these futile, racist negotiations. High five!

UNHRC Ready To Support Terrorism As A Human Right

The UNHRC is about to endorse the Goldstone Blood Libel against Israel today, if it hasn't done so as I write this. The Falacstinian move to withdraw its petition of endorsement would have delayed this action until March, but the PA, under pressure from Hamas protests, and Fatah opposition to the Embezzler in Chief, Mahmoud Abbas, decided it would be okay to condemn Israel now. Isn't that special?

Great Britain (frankly, I'm shocked) is the only western country to actually state it will be voting against the report. Statements from the Spanish Prime Minister seem to indicate they will not support it (but he also went to Ramallah and supported the "settlement freeze"...I wonder what Spanish waffles taste like?), and it is thought that the US will not support it either (with Marack in the White House and Susan Rice at the UN, this is not a sure bet, not at all). It remains to be seen how the remainder of the Eurotrash will vote. France has yet to make up its mind about the 5 page draft resolution...quelle surprise! Who would expect anything less from the French? In fact, if France votes against it, the Mount of Olives may split open.

Israel has made it very clear that endorsement of the report will mean a virtual disengagement from the "peace process," as there will be no incentive to make concessions to the genocidal idiots at Falacstinian Terror Central if Israel's right to self defense is stripped (there should be no concessions anyway, but that's another story). Of course, just because Israeli leaders have said this doesn't make it so. Bibi supported and then condemned the evacuation of Gush Katif. He said there should be no withdrawals or evacuations, but still he negotiates the "freeze." The current government will speak out of all sides of its face. Who knows, we may wake up tomorrow and find out that Bibi has announced there will be a rally in Tel Aviv to celebrate the endorsement of the Goldstone Blood Libel.

If, as noted by the late Abba Eban, the Falacstinians never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity, the UNHRC never misses an opportunity to take a dump on Israel. The resolution will most likely pass. The question of Europe remains. Having been left naked by Marack's withdrawal of missile defense, the foot dragging on Iran, and Europe poised to become the next front in the radical Islamic terror war, will they be stupid enough to embolden the growing enemy in their midst? If history has taught this blogger anything, you bet your ass they will. A bag of hammers has more sense. Seriously, if the majority of the EU votes against it I will have to figure out how to photograph the monkeys flying out of my butt.

The National Women's History Museum: One Step Closer

For over ten years the National Women's History Museum has been struggling to find a physical home in Washington D.C. The effort has taken a giant step closer to reality this week as HR 1700, The National Women's History Museum Act of 2009, passed on the House floor this week. The vote will now go to the Senate. If passed, the museum will have permission to break ground at 12th and Independence SW.

In a nation where 51% of the population still does not have its equal rights recognized, this is a major step to having a significant presence in our nation's capital to educate the public as to the unique stories and struggles of American women in their fight for justice and equality.

Congratulations to NWHM president, Joan Wages, and the rest of the officers, staff, and volunteers who have worked so hard for so long. Here's hoping things go as well in the Senate.

Help make history and lobby your Senator to vote in favor of the NWHM Act of 2009. Find out how here.

Salam Fayad Just Says No To Mickey Mouse

Falacstinian Prime Terrorist Salam Fayad has declared that the PA will not settle for an unarmed “Mickey Mouse” state. They will not accept being demilitarized, like Andorra. Well, duh! It’s awfully hard to keep killing Jews, and move on to phase seven of the Arab plan to eradicate Israel, without weapons.

For those of you not acquainted with the plan here are the main steps (there are a lot of little gears in this genocidal racist plan, but these are the biggies).

1. Evacuate Arab civilians and invade the newly declared Jewish state (this plan failed miserably, even though they did manage to kill 6000 Jews in Israel’s fight for independence). This failure led to phase two…

2. Force all the Arabs who got out of the way of the Arab invasion forces to live in camps and not absorb them into the population. This makes for sympathetic press for the poor, poor Arabs. Never mind that Israel absorbed 800,000 Jews that were forced out of Arab countries when Israel became independent again.

3. Make repeated attempts at invading Israel and launch a terror campaign.

4. Create a fictional people to use as a propaganda tool at the UN to foster a movement for creating a homeland for “Palestinians” that would have gotten their second state in 1947 had the Arabs accepted the UN resolution that partitioned the remaining portion of the British Mandate.

5. Attempt another failed military invasion.

6. Go back to the fake country propaganda plan, which they would hope would lead to…

7. Creation of a fake Arab state to use as a platform for completing the destruction of the Jewish state.

So, in order for this grand scheme to work (how’s it working out so far you genocidal douchebags?) the new Falacstinian state must be armed. But there's a bit of a problem with this brilliant master plan. If they become a country, they will be subject to the same international laws as every other country. Though their nonexistent status allows them to play the Goldstone Game now, this will not be the case should they become an actual country (the other fly in the ointment is that playing the victim has been a lot more lucrative for the PA...just as Sura Arafat as she relaxes in her Parisian penthouse funded by the charity of planet earth that was supposed to build hospitals, schools and whatnot for the Arabs living under PA control....whoops!).

{It should be noted that Falacstinian terrorism is still in violation of international law, and Israel is fully within its rights to take military action to defend itself against it; even if that means civilians being used as human shields by Hamas and Fatah are killed in said action. It is a highly under-publicized fact that Israel has no obligation, under current international law (see the rule of distinction), to take any measures to protect the lives of these civilians during an attack on a legitimate military target, and yet goes to far greater lengths to do so than any armed force on the planet.}

If the PA were to launch a military offensive against Israel as a country, Israel, with sane leadership, would simply do what any country would do when attacked by another country…crush its military until it was no longer capable of waging war, and then annex the territory it seized from the attacking army. Or in other words, do what Israel did in 1967 with the exception of the annexing part.

Israel should be doing this now, but the Falacstinian propaganda machine is well entrenched to the point that most of the world considers them a real nation, instead of what they really are: an Arab military and propaganda tool. Because of this, the leftist whiners in Israel have thus far failed to eradicate the terrorist presence in Eretz Yisrael, and force the Arabs living in the heartland of the Jewish people, which was liberated from the Arabs in 1967, to choose whether to live in our land under complete Jewish authority without the right to vote or hold office, or go across the river to the Arab state that Britain illegally created out of more than half the land that the League of Nations granted to the Jewish people. It will take genuine Jewish leadership to understand and execute the dictate of the Torah, which instructs us that when an enemy is coming to kill you, you kill them first.

I find it ironic that Fayad says he doesn’t want a Mickey Mouse state when there is plenty of video evidence that this is exactly what they want. When are you dingdongs going to make up your minds? You want a state, and then you don’t want a state. You want Mickey Mouse, and now you don’t. You martyr TV animals of cryin' out loud! First it was Farfour. Then it was Nahool, the bee that attacks cats and throws rocks at lions. Does anyone know if they've martyred Assud, the Jew eating rabbit yet?

And The Arab Chutzpah Train Rolls On

In a pattern that reminds me of Nassir's regional incitement against Israel prior to the Six Day War, there is a growing Arab call of threats against Israel regarding the Jewish claim over the Temple Mount. This time it comes from Egypt.

Subhi Saleh, a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, and Egyptian parliamentarian, called for Arabs to break into every Israeli embassy around the world should Israelis visit the Temple Mount. The rabid Jew hater said:

"Embassies have diplomatic immunity but our holy places have divine immunity, so if they enter al-Aqsa, let us enter their embassies.”

He then went on to allege that Jews broke into the Aqsa pimple last week. No such break in took place. In fact, the Temple Mount was closed down for a period of time due to Arab incitement and fears that full scale rioting would break out. It was during this time that stockpiles of stones were found on Har HaBayit, presumably for the Allah fearing Muslims to hurl at the Jews below. How nice.

Believe me when I say that I would love nothing for both of those Islamic eyesores torn down brick by brick and carted off to Mecca or someplace. But there was no Jewish break in at the Aqsa pimple.

This latest statement is part of a now growing international Arab campaign to spark the third intifada with a phony Jewish Temple Mount invasion story. I'm sure that at any moment we will receive word from UN Secretary Ban Ki-Moon condemning the Arab incitement and Saleh's advocating of violence against Israeli embassies. Oh wait...that would be in the bizarro world where the human rights of Jews, and the preservation of Israeli sovereignty actually meant something to people other than Jews and the goyim who love them.

BTW, the Muslim Brotherhood is actually banned in Egypt. Ya know, it might have something to do with the fact that they killed Anwar Sadat. But, in a testimony as to how effective Egypt's ban and control of the MB is, they are the largest opposition party in Egypt. What a comforting thought.

The Nachas Machine

Do you remember this joke I wrote?

What has four arms, four legs, two heads, and makes Marack, the UN, the EU, and the Arabs want to take a dump?

A pregnant Jew!

Well it seems that there were a whole lot of them in B'nai Brak this Tishrei because Maayanei Hayeshua Hospital just released its birth statistics for the month. They delivered 900 babies in September, B"H! That's right Marack...900 Jewish babies! I LOVE IT!!! That's 900 new Jewish lives to carry on our nation into the next generation. Surely the UN is convening the UNSC to issue a condemnation.

Around 500 of them were boys. That's a lot of foreskins. It reminds me of the joke about the moyel who saved 10,ooo tips. He took them to a leather maker to have him make something nice. A week later the leather maker presented him with a wallet. Seeing the moyel's disappointment the leather maker said, "I know it's just a wallet now. But when you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"

Ten percent of the babies were twins; forty babies were born on Yom Kippur; 88.5% of the total births were natural while 12.5% were C-Section, about half the national average.

Mazel tov to all the families. May they all grow strong and take their place among the people, and bring you nothing but abundant nachas!

More Arab Chutzpah

It has been said many times, by many people, that Israel's biggest problem is not the Arabs, not the UN, the EU, or even Nobel Peace Pampers. Israel's biggest problem is Jews. Why? Because the Jews who currently run the country are stupid, limp wristed, suicidal idiots who think that bending over to the Arabs and the world will get them to love us, when history has proven again and again that the exact opposite is true.

It is this stupid class of special idiot that allows a lunatic like Ibrahim Abdullah Sarsur to be in the Knesset. Sarsur has declared that the Jebusites, the people from whom David captured Jerusalem, were Arabs. We've heard this laughable notion before. The Falacstinians have also claimed they are descended from the Philistines who were actually foreign invaders, possibly from what is now Greece and have no connection to Arabs whatsoever.

Unfortunately for Sarsur, Mahmoud Abu in a Suit Abbas already admitted that the Arabs calling themselves Falacstinian are not actually from there at all. As he told the press earlier this year, his family in fact hails from Syria, and Jordan, which is where they fled to when the Jewish state was founded, out of fear of Jewish reprisals for the many Arab massacres and riots that took place before the modern state of Israel was declared. Arafat, the George Washington of his fake country was from Egypt. So much for the Jebusites.

But it isn't even the acceptance of the Falacstinian lie of indigenous life by segments of Israel's political elites that is the problem. The real problem is that Israel allows a scumbag like Sarsur, a part of the "Islamic Movement" in Israel, to be in the Knesset, and make an announcement like this:

"We, as Muslims, along with the noble ones among the Christians... ask only that Israel take its hands off of Al Quds and the Al Aqsa Mosque, stop trampling the rights of Arabs and Muslims in the city... act to distance the extreme Jewish elements from the Al Aqsa mosque, forget about the possibility of holding Jewish prayer of any form or size in the [Temple Mount] and certainly forget about the possibility of shared Jewish custodianship over it, because this will be a red line after which the face of the region and the world will be completely different.”

He also referred to the Covenant between Abraham and Hashem as a, "false G-dly promise."

Now we all know that this scumbag is merely part of the intensifying attempt to provoke Israel and start the next intifada, an Arab excuse for which will no doubt be made in the coming weeks or months. But this is not the point. Jews and Jewish political movements have been banned and/or forced out of the Knesset for defending the rights of Jews against people like Sarsur and the genocidal idiots they represent, and for attempting to bring authentic Jewish leadership to Israel.

The reality is that the concept of a Jewish state and Western democracy are not congruous concepts. There is no place in the Jewish body politic for elements that demand the Jews be murdered and the Jewish state destroyed; just as there is no room in Israel for Arabs who see the founding of the modern state of Israel as the Nakba, the catastrophe. Until the Jewish people understand that there will never be peace in Israel's borders as long as the country entertains the presence of genocidal maniacs in her government, there will continue to be incitement and terrorism committed against Jews in all of Israel. If the Israeli government is serious about protecting the Jewish people at home, and abroad, it is going to have to come to terms with this inescapable fact.

A good place to start would be banning Sarsur from the Knesset, and the Islamic Movement from Israel. Instead, IDF Central District Command ordered that three Jewish activists be banned from Samaria for six months. Two are fathers, one of whom has a son only 10 days old, whose loss of income will obviously hurt the family. Yes, the Left in Israel is completely upside down. The Prime Minister defends the rights of the Arabs and army bans Jewish activists from going home. Is it any wonder that Israel faces a constant parade of tsuris?

The Renewing of the Arab Terror War

This past summer in Beit Lechem, Fatah voted to renew its violent struggle to destroy the Jewish state. With the events that have transpired in Jerusalem over the past two weeks it is clear that the Arabs are ready. The powder is deployed and fused. It only awaits the spark.

Continuing attempts have been made in the form of the calls on Muslims to defend Al Aqsa from Jewish worshipers. Israel found the wheelbarrows filled with rocks. This means only one thing. The Arabs are ready to launch the next war. The question is, is Israel prepared to win it this time?

The Arabs know they will be defeated, but they are determined to engage in this war because the destroying of Israel demands it. They are also counting on Marack and the EU to intervene. They are also counting on Israel to stop military operations before they actually win.

Contrary to popular belief, Israel has never won a war. Every conflict in which it has engaged has ended in a ceasefire, not victory, even when victory was in Israel's grasp. In order for Israel to survive and have a lasting peace within its borders, including ALL of Eretz Yisrael, Fatah and Hamas must be broken, destroyed wholly and utterly. The Arab leadership in Israel that demands the Nakba be taught in Israel's schools must also be broken.

As Caroline Glick correctly points out in her latest column, the latest round of war is coming, and Israeli Arabs will no doubt be involved in the inciting and execution of violence against Jews. Israel has coddled them for too long, these people that see the founding of modern Israel as a catastrophe. The time for the paradigm shift has come. There is no room west of the Jordan for a binational state or two states. The League of Nations designated our homeland as the Jewish state and it is time that this vision be realized.

Does the current government have the resolve to see this war to its end? Does it have the strength of will to finally eradicate the terrorist presence from within all the land of Israel, and at last end the Arab strategy of destroying Israel with the creation of an Arab state in the heart of its land?

This past week Bibi Netanyahu witnessed the entering of his grandson into the Covenant between Avraham and Hashem. The physical embodiment of this covenant is the circumcision, and the land of Israel. What did Bibi see in his mind's eye? What did he feel in his heart at this momentous occasion? We will know when this war is engaged. Will he fight to win it? Or will he fight to the ceasefire and let the infected wound continue to fester?

On the eve of this war we conclude the reading of the Torah and begin it again; a cycle that has remained unbroken for thousands of years, the same as our presence in the land of Israel. For four thousand years it has been our home. For four thousand years it has been the living heart of our bond with G-d.

It will not only be the IDF that engages in this war against our enemies. Every man, woman, and child of Am Yisrael will be engaged. On whose side will you fight? Will you join the Suicide Now Jews who wish for nothing more than to see Israel capitulate to her enemies in the false hope that at last the world will stop trying to kill us? Or will you stand on the side of Israel, on the side of Hashem, who demands we face our enemies and drive them from the land? Will you face the propagandists in the papers, on the streets, on the internet, and on college campuses? Will you march against Code Pink, Cindy Sheehan, and the rest of the Leftists? Will you combat their lies, will you march to answer their rallies and speeches? Will you make your presence felt, or will you hide in your flimsy succahs until the howling of our enemies brings them down?

For two thousand years, until the renewal of our government in Israel, we hid from our enemies. We ran and cowered in our synagogues and died together when our enemies burned us alive within them. We cannot hide now. The world is gathering to stand against us again. We cannot hide now.

The time to choose is now. The time to strengthen your resolve is now. You are not alone.

Let's Learn About Norway

I have to say that I'm most intriuged by Norway. Is it the water, the cold, the lack of sunlight, or the fjords that affected the minds of the Nobel Prize Committee's decision to give the I Haven't Actually Done Anything for Peace Prize to Marack? Let's take a look and see what we can find.

First, a message from the Norwegian Party



And now, an insightful look into Norwegian society through the eyes of one completely sane person, including a glimpse in part two as to how the Nobel Peace Prize is selected.