Uh...Marack Won The What?!?...REALLY???

What do you give the man who has accomplished nothing, but has a big smile and a glistening teleprompter? Why, the Nobel Peace Prize, of course. While the entire world (well those of us who haven’t had our brains turned to mush by the Marack idiot box messages of Hope and Change) scratches its collective head wondering, “What the hell?” the Nobel Prize Committee is telling us whatever they can to convince us that this isn’t about sucking up to the man who spends most of his time face down, butt in the air, offering free kisses to all comers.

Really, the timing couldn’t be worse. Having just suffered the IOC’s stinging rejection of Chicago as the 2016 Summer Olympic host, Marack was licking his wounds and was refraining from making grandiose pronouncements on the world stage about sunscreen, or arugula, or about his finger being on the pulse of the world community because he lived in Indonesia for four years when he was six. Now we will no doubt have to deal with this strutting ass acting like he’s gotten a mandate from the world to sell us buckets of vomit and call it lemonade.

Nobel Prize Committee…I hate you. I hate all of you. You suck…really really suck. This man, whose pre-election accomplishments were accumulated at a rate of naught, has actually done so much nothing as Jew hating White House Resident that his accomplishment rate could be catalogued at a rate of negative naught. His lack of accomplishments might actually be so underwhelming as to have caused a sinkwell in the fabric of space/time, which might account for why everyone I’ve talked to today has remarked at how slow the day is going.

Oh wait, I’m sorry…Marack has managed to kiss the ass of virtually every leader of every nation that poses a security risk to the United States, while alienating most of our allies, especially the ones that really matter…like Israel. He has also managed to have taken the tarnished international reputation of the United States and made it worse. We used to be hated and strong. Now we are hated and perceived to be weak. Yes give the man the Peace Prize. I can see where he’s earned it, if by “Peace” you mean acting like a braying ass, and driving the Israelis and the Arabs to heightened tensions that could spill over into mass violence at any time.

I’ve heard tell that Talk Radio is proclaiming that the tactic here is to hamstring Marack with the Peace Prize so that he won’t escalate military actions in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Iran, etc. Frankly, that sounds like something Rush would say into the third hour of his show when his butt cheeks are falling asleep and the circulation to his brain is lessened. He wasn’t going to do anything about any of those conflicts anyway. He’s perfectly happy to let our guys bleed slowly at a number of fronts while Iran gets the bomb, evaporates Israel and holds the rest of the region hostage. Then The Barry can come riding in on his white hobbyhorse to save the day while the mullahs laugh in his stupid face.

The OMV bottom line is this. There is no one on this earth less deserving of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize than The Barry. Col. Qadafi is more deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize than The Barry. At least he’s sporting a new line of kaftans this year.

So, seeing how the folks at the Nobel Prize Society for the Criminally Stupid really mucked up this one, I have decided to compile my own list of nominees for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize. I have selected 10 nominees based on the same criterion employed by the dumb shits in Norway: things with no accomplishments, but with a certain amount of personal charm. The nominees will appear in the margin of the blog on the left for you to vote on. The finalist poll will appear thereafter. You choose the finalists. You choose the winner. Once again, I in my seemingly limitless vision and wisdom have put the power of democratic process in the world’s hands.

If Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben has taught us anything it’s that with great power comes great responsibility. Choose wisely.

The nominees for the OMV 2009 Nobel Peace Prize are:

1. Carrot Top
2. Former Feline Presidential Contender Chester Hopewell
3. Michael Vick
4. An Unopened Box of #2 Pencils
5. The High Efficiency Washing Machine at my job.
6. My Phlegm
7. A Deflated NFL Regulation Football Bladder
8. The 2009 New York Mets
9. Alpha Centauri
10. The Money You Could Be Saving By Switching To Geico

Think about the nominees. Mull your selections over. The poll will go up sometime Sunday.

Until then, Shabbat Shalom, Chag Sameach! And try to take it easy on the schnapps.