Blago Blows It

So let me see if I've got this straight... Governor Blag the Inhaler skinned a skunk, and sewed the pelt to his head; then set up a booth at the Illinois State Fair where he put out a great big jar of jelly beans. Contestants would then give the Governor lots of money, or a sweet job. Whomever gave the Governor the most money, and/or the sweetest job, would correctly guess the number of jellybeans and get to go to Capitol Hill and eat the jellybeans until they got good and sick. Lots of people wanted to play, and some even had conversations trying to get the Governor to tell them how many jellybeans were in the jar, even though that was clearly cheating. And now it turns out that there might be some recorded conversations between Pampers' People and Blag the Inhaler or his Inhaled People, and that those recordings are in the hands of the FBI...whoops! (tip o' the hat)

Of course Pampers' first response was to interrupt his morning ego massage for a press conference, or as we say in Obiana, two minutes lying, to say that none of the angels of leprosy at the Transition Central Committee spoke with Blago.  Then it was of to the midway for a vigorous round of "Under-the-bus toss." He's gotten quite good at it. He won an oversized stuffed Stimpy.

Looks like the Governor is in big trouble with the Fair operators. No doubt he'll start spilling the jellybeans in order to shorten the length of time he will be someone's white collar beeatcha. Hey, even investment bankers get the blues.

And in yet another SNN exclusive, sources reveal Pampers' preferred pay to play contestant to replace him in the Senate.

My advice to the Governor, and anyone else implicated in the jellybean scheme is this: use the Chewbacca Defense.

My advice to the rest of you is pop the popcorn, melt the butter, crack open a beer, and get psyched. This is gonna be kick ass! And you thought there wasn't going to be any hope or change...I mean dope and mange.  I like a little garlic, kosher salt and curry powder added to the butter.  You can also throw a couple cardamom pods in there.  Yum!