I'm running for President. I figure if Shrub and Pampers can get elected on "Change" I can get elected on a platform of Gross National Happiness. My presidency will be a period where we're going to do what makes us happy. We'll start by having a four year Boxing Day where the bosses work for us. You might see Nancy Pelosi scrubbing toilets at the local rescue mission, or Chuck Schumer mucking the elephant pen at the Bronx Zoo. Dick Cheney could be sucking the bodily waste from port-a-johns at the Meadowlands. Who knows (nothing says "screw you ass" more than making the powerful deal with bowel movements)?
You wanna work 4 days a week but get paid for 5 days of work? You got it. How will we pay for it? Well, I figure that all the financial institutions that have borrowed money from us ought to be paying us back, at an unusually high interest rate. I mean, don't people with shit for credit have to pay the the most usurious interest rates? Well, even I have better credit than the outfits that getting our tax dollars hand over fist.
What else can you expect from President Shtuey? We're going to have a good time. Think of it as that moment you get home from work, finally get to kick back, maybe have a cold beer, and just exhale...for four years.
I foresee members of the current Congress in stocks on the National Mall being pelted with rotten produce six hours a day by passing citizens. I see your legislators mowing your lawns, taking out your trash, scrubbing your toilets, mopping your floors, picking up the dog excrement while you and your canine friends stroll on without a care...and they will be paying your taxes. I mean, they're just willy nilly taking our money and giving it to whoever the hell they want. Screw those little punks.
How incredible would it be to be able to call up Chris Dodd in Connecticut from your house in Missouri and say, "Yo Chris, my dog's anal glands need to be expressed, get the hell out here you tool!" Yeah, it'd be pretty fuckin' sweet.
We will finally embrace the weird. How's about this for a slogan? Strange You Can Believe In.
Shtuey for President. Let's live a little!
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12 comments:
Sign me up as your campaign chair. I can't wait. Instead of a depression, we'll have euphoria. My doggy's anal glands are so deep, poor Chris will need to wear playtex gloves up to his elbows. I love your potty humor obsession- I'd like to meet your mommy some day. A Shtew in every pot! Or is that pot in every Shtew?
:::::face splitting laughter:::; Oh MY FREAKIN GOD!!!! Shtuey and Liliam for President and VP because I cannot stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to background process and I will come back and give you the 411 on who and what would make me REALLY HAPPY!
Thank Shtuey!!!
sorry if I caused any agnst!
I can see it now: Shtueylam for America: Strange You Can Believe In.
I am still the Admiral. I will take on Secretary Department of Veterans Affairs....God knows I can do a better job then the retired general Obambi tapped....his claim to fame....we don't have enough troops in Iraq not to mention he isn't even a disabled veteran....what does he even begin to understand....Obamabi the Con Man and his chain gang! Hahahahahahaha!
Better appoint me to the
Treasury - it seems to be where I really understand the skinny.
You haven't mentioned your policy on gay marriage, but I assume you'll issue an executive order requiring Rick Warren to marry Donnie McClurkin.
As for abortion, I hope you will make it not only legal but also, in the case of certain people, retroactive.
Infidel, you keep this up and you might end up being Chief of Staff. Just don't get yourself recorded having incriminating conversations with Ronald McDonald and Grimace.
(laughing hysterically)
"My object all sublime,
I shall achieve in time,
To make the punishment fit the crime
(the punishment fit the crime),
And make each pris'ner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment,
(of innocent merriment)!"
Works fer me! Shtu-Poopi for President!
(I can beez Minister of Justice?)
Ooh, an obsure Mikado reference! Kick ass!
You can beez Minister of Justice. Though you may be called to a physical challenge and current events pop quiz by a challenger. The people need bread, and circuses ya know! ;-)
Bring 'em on!
I know karate, and seven other Japanese words!***
***actually got to advanced green belt in Seido Karate, but that was a while ago
I have a black belt in ranting, lounging and snacking.
Gilbert and Sullivan- how rich!
I made it to white belt, yellow stripe, which means I'm a weanie- I could be ministress of da fence.
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