Sarah, I'll Be Your Polonius

Some advice to you as you take to the road and engage in battle with Sir Waffalot and Sancho Bonanza.

First know that he who speaks with a forked tongue is most likely to eat their dung.

Racist bigot thou shalt be called.  They may airbrush your photos to make you bald.

Neither a liar, nor a panderer be.  All credibility you will lose, as aspiring to outshine the Pampers Prince in this regard would be akin to the vanity of Icarus who, scorched and melty, plummeted to earth in a tragic pile of death and stupidity.

With Jocularity thou shalt rule over the mind of Pampers for though his ego dwarfs the far reaching expanses of the universe and burns with the scorching brilliance of a million billion suns, a fragile thing it be.  Let him go to his waffle in peace?  No, encumbered in the malice of his sin must thou dispatch him, for he hath thrown Mrs. Butterworth under bus. 

 

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to anyone (though protect you from the false witness of the fourth estate this will not).

When facing your opponent in a mediated battle of wits, keep foremost in your mind that the stage upon which you tread shall be shared with a braying ass:

And at the last I bid you this; you have brought down, butchered and dressed a moose, put your boot in their caboose.