Rainman

Don't worry New Orleans...help is on the way.  Commander Waffalo has promised to protect you with his hopeychangeyweatherdeflection ray.  Using his tinfoil hat and the awesome power of his superior brain, Urkel will magically send Gustav on his way to an obscure Latin American country that no one has heard about in a long time so you won't have to worry about it.  If that doesn't work Homeland Security UberPutz Michael Chertoff will break wind and blow Gustav away.  So...you're in good hands?

If it were my ass on the line I'd rather have Bicycle Repairman on the scene.