It's the same in any lingo

בַּת-בָּבֶל, הַשְּׁדוּדָה: אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיְשַׁלֶּם-לָךְ-- אֶת-גְּמוּלֵךְ, שֶׁגָּמַלְתּ לָנוּ
אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיֹּאחֵז וְנִפֵּץ אֶת-עֹלָלַיִךְ-- אֶל-הַסָּלַע


How can one be compelled to accept slavery? I simply refuse to do the master's bidding. He may torture me, break my bones to atoms and even kill me. He will then have my dead body, not my obedience. Ultimately, therefore, it is I who am the victor and not he, for he has failed in getting me to do what he wanted done. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? If not now, when? ~ Rav Hillel, Pirke Avot

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes
Wear It With Pride

12 December 2008

Blago Blows It

So let me see if I've got this straight... Governor Blag the Inhaler skinned a skunk, and sewed the pelt to his head; then set up a booth at the Illinois State Fair where he put out a great big jar of jelly beans. Contestants would then give the Governor lots of money, or a sweet job. Whomever gave the Governor the most money, and/or the sweetest job, would correctly guess the number of jellybeans and get to go to Capitol Hill and eat the jellybeans until they got good and sick. Lots of people wanted to play, and some even had conversations trying to get the Governor to tell them how many jellybeans were in the jar, even though that was clearly cheating. And now it turns out that there might be some recorded conversations between Pampers' People and Blag the Inhaler or his Inhaled People, and that those recordings are in the hands of the FBI...whoops! (tip o' the hat)

Of course Pampers' first response was to interrupt his morning ego massage for a press conference, or as we say in Obiana, two minutes lying, to say that none of the angels of leprosy at the Transition Central Committee spoke with Blago.  Then it was of to the midway for a vigorous round of "Under-the-bus toss." He's gotten quite good at it. He won an oversized stuffed Stimpy.

Looks like the Governor is in big trouble with the Fair operators. No doubt he'll start spilling the jellybeans in order to shorten the length of time he will be someone's white collar beeatcha. Hey, even investment bankers get the blues.

And in yet another SNN exclusive, sources reveal Pampers' preferred pay to play contestant to replace him in the Senate.

My advice to the Governor, and anyone else implicated in the jellybean scheme is this: use the Chewbacca Defense.


My advice to the rest of you is pop the popcorn, melt the butter, crack open a beer, and get psyched. This is gonna be kick ass! And you thought there wasn't going to be any hope or change...I mean dope and mange.  I like a little garlic, kosher salt and curry powder added to the butter.  You can also throw a couple cardamom pods in there.  Yum!

6 comments:

lililam said...

"Of course Pampers' first response was to interrupt his morning ego massage for a press conference, or as we say in Obiana, two minutes lying, to say that none of the angels of leprosy at the Transition Central Committee spoke with Blago. Then it was off to the midway for a vigorous round of "Under-the-bus toss.""

You are hilarious, shtuey!

Shtuey said...

Thank you my dear. This crap is just too good. You can't make this shit up. The only way this could get better is if a love child surfaced with Blago's hair, and MO's eyes.

Logistics Monster said...

Hey, hey, hey, - don't be insulting someone's ancestors or maybe your head will end up on a pike next to the road! Remind me to send you a pic of my older brother.

My absolute favorite is "angels of leprosy"....could you put up a poll with maybe 4 or 5 choices for best name for the transition team?

Mahalo,
Diamond

Shtuey said...

Ask and ye shall receive!

Logistics Monster said...

did not realize that you could come up with something even more catchy than angels of leprosy but Camp Pamp does it!!

catsden said...

Personally I think the cardamon pods are a bit much, but I have popped and buttered my popcorn and am so far really enjoy the show.