Presidential Endorsement

It was announced this morning that the President of the United States, Isabel Roverandom, has endorsed Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton for President.  "As President it has been my policy to remain silent on the Democratic Party primaries.  But after Haircut La Douche's endorsement on Wednesday, a cheap Urkel ploy to pander to Lunchbucket Democrats, and yet another sexist attempt to push the lady off the stage, I decided it was time to come out and throw my support behind Senator Clinton.  She has formulated a series of policies from universal healthcare to universal Pre-K.  She has cogently connected energy independence with the fight against global climate change, economic revitalization, and national security.  She is also far and away the strongest candidate to defeat Old Guy, having crushed Urkel handily in every single swing state in the nation.  Her road to 270 electoral votes is so clear, if the general election were held today she would crush Old Guy like a bug, and that will not change through November.  She is strong, she is vetted, and she's an unrepentant ass kicking dynamo of awesome!" 

When asked to elaborate on the Edwards endorsement President Isabel replied, "Only a dork like Haircut La Douche would compromise himself and endorse an empty suit who not only doesn't support universal healthcare, but does not have the support of the very constituency he has claimed he has been fighting for all this time; the working poor.  Senator Clinton is going to kick him to the curb on Tuesday when she kicks Urkel's ass by double digits...AGAIN!"

The President took a few more questions related to bully sticks.  She refused to take questions regarding accusations that Attorney General Rosie Moondog killed and ate a baby bunny behind a thicket of shrubs on the White House lawn, other than to say, "That's the Attorney General's business, you can take it up with her.  I had nothing to do with it.  I just stuck my nose in the hole."