ASS Assassination

So Hillary Clinton had the unmitigated gall to point out that Democratic primary battles have gone well into June in the past.  She referenced her husband Bill Clinton's 1992 nomination not being secured until the California Primary in June, and that RFK was assassinated in June; a point of reference for the California Primary of 1968 that most people recognize.  But stop the presses:  HILLARY IS ADVOCATING THE ASSASSINATION OF BARACK OBAMA???  

FUCK YOU!!!

Need I comment on how completely absurd that notion is?  Need I comment that only the most shameful assholes on this planet would make such an implication?  Need I comment that anyone who is continuing this storyline of bullshit after RFK Jr.'s smackdown is a fascist douche fuck?

Well guess who did?  Why it is none other than America's favorite lard ass and advocate that Hillary Clinton should be murdered by a "superduper delegate" Keith "my feces have more integrity than I do" Olbermann.

Keith "Barack please slide your member up my anal chute" Olbermann is absolutely the most criminal force in American journalism.  He is a fascist bent on quelling all dissent against Barack Pampers Obama, and destroying the candidacy of Hillary Rodham Clinton.  He is Dick Cheney in pin stripes.  Anyone who would make such a psychotic rant as Olbermann did in his Fascist Comment last night, after RFK Jr put the issue to bed, is nothing more than a worthless media whore in love with the sound of his own voice.  He represents everything wrong with American journalism and, had he turned this level of invective against Pampers, the NAACP would have had him deported months ago.

For his part, Pampers decided to stoop to Olbermann level bullshit by releasing a statement that Hillary's comment has no place in this campaign.  That's right, candidates cannot make a case for the fact that there is historical precedent for primaries going into June.  That would be a presentation of facts, and as we all know, truth and facts have no place in the Pampers campaign.  Thank you Stalin.  Go fuck yourself.

Yes John, I Want a Revolution!

And I'm getting one!  It's happening across the country.  It's happened in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Texas, West Virginia, and will happen again in Kentucky.  It's happening in Massachusetts, Michigan, and Florida.  It's going to converge on May 31 when the DNC will meet face to face with WE THE PEOPLE.

See this?  It's the tip of the iceberg.

Attorney General Rosie Moondog Endorses HRC

Attorney General Rosie Moondog has announced her endorsement of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton for Democratic Nominee, and President of the United States.  In a press release Rosie stated, "Senator Clinton is by far the best candidate to represent the Democratic Party.  Her dedication to children, women, and human rights is legendary.  And I can't confirm this, but I think she was the one that sent me a lovely Chanukah gift basket filled with peanut butter cookies and carob Chanukah gelt (very thoughtful since chocolate is bad for us dogs).  You think Nancy Pelosi ever sent me a gift basket?  That'd be the day.  

"As the Attorney General I have served the nation as the rock iron long arm of justice.  I know what toughness is, and let me tell you something; Hillary's got it.  She certainly isn't afraid of debating, doesn't run from reporters, and knows what states border Kentucky.

"And about that bunny incident...yes I plucked a little pink baby bunny out of a nursery hole in the White House lawn.  What am I supposed to do?  I'm a dog!  I did leave the rest alive.  See, unlike some people who are going to get their asses wupped in an upcoming primary, I don't make lame excuses.  It's called taking responsibility.  Maybe the junior Senator from Illinois ought to try taking a page from my playbook.  Maybe when he gets back from visiting the rest of the 60 states of America."

Presidential Endorsement

It was announced this morning that the President of the United States, Isabel Roverandom, has endorsed Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton for President.  "As President it has been my policy to remain silent on the Democratic Party primaries.  But after Haircut La Douche's endorsement on Wednesday, a cheap Urkel ploy to pander to Lunchbucket Democrats, and yet another sexist attempt to push the lady off the stage, I decided it was time to come out and throw my support behind Senator Clinton.  She has formulated a series of policies from universal healthcare to universal Pre-K.  She has cogently connected energy independence with the fight against global climate change, economic revitalization, and national security.  She is also far and away the strongest candidate to defeat Old Guy, having crushed Urkel handily in every single swing state in the nation.  Her road to 270 electoral votes is so clear, if the general election were held today she would crush Old Guy like a bug, and that will not change through November.  She is strong, she is vetted, and she's an unrepentant ass kicking dynamo of awesome!" 

When asked to elaborate on the Edwards endorsement President Isabel replied, "Only a dork like Haircut La Douche would compromise himself and endorse an empty suit who not only doesn't support universal healthcare, but does not have the support of the very constituency he has claimed he has been fighting for all this time; the working poor.  Senator Clinton is going to kick him to the curb on Tuesday when she kicks Urkel's ass by double digits...AGAIN!"

The President took a few more questions related to bully sticks.  She refused to take questions regarding accusations that Attorney General Rosie Moondog killed and ate a baby bunny behind a thicket of shrubs on the White House lawn, other than to say, "That's the Attorney General's business, you can take it up with her.  I had nothing to do with it.  I just stuck my nose in the hole."

My god...it's full of stars

Let's face it America, we've been through the looking glass for so long in this election cycle that it's starting to feel like home.  "Looking through the plate glass tulips to see how the other half lives." 

Today TIME crapazine released its "Dewey Defeats Truman" issue with King of the Douches on the cover.  What is in that fucking kool-aid?  I know it's not inevitability.  It must be the LSD.

For all you douche fuck Bots out there let me explain how this is going to work.  Hillary Clinton is down by around 113,000 votes or so.  Tomorrow she's going to kick LaBamba's ass so fucking hard he won't be sitting for the remainder of the primaries.  He's also not going to regain the popular vote lead.  Read that twice so it sinks in fascists. 

Now Axelrod and Plouffe will continue to use their mind ray to make you think that the votes of Florida and Michigan don't count.  Guess what fascists?  I'm afraid that those votes were certified by the Secretaries of State of both MI and FL.  They count, and in spite of all your whining and temper tantrums there is nothing in the DNC's own rules to say that they don't count.  Sanctioning only effects delegate distribution (which means LaBamba, according to DNC rules nets zero delegates from Michigan--no one told the douche fuck to take his name off the ballot).  Gee that's tough Mr. Adominabubble.

Here's some more reality--the pledged delegate split in the end will be under a hundred delegate difference.  It will probably end up being around 75.  That's not figuring in the allocation of Florida and Michigan.  I've heard tell that the nominee will seat the delegates.  Guess what Coward Dean?  That's going to piss off Florida and Michigan even more.  They've made it perfectly clear what will happen if the delegates are not seated to reflect their votes and LaBamba is the nominee.

So how will the candidates go to the convention?  One will go limping in with a slight lead in pledged delegates.  The other with a lead in the popular vote (or as Queen Pig Donna Brazile likes to say--the will of the people).

There is only one measure then by which the Super Delegates will decide the nominee.  Say it with me Obamamorons:  Electability.  Clinton has won more counties, more congressional districts, more swing states, and after June 3 (well, after tomorrow) more votes.

Oh, and just to make sure you understand; the Super Delegates' job is not to simply rubber stamp the guy you like.  Their job is to pick the candidate that is best positioned to defeat the opposition.  Only the kool-aided think that's Obama.  The Republicans know who can beat them, and that's probably the best indicator for the S.D.s.  Hell, even Rush Limbaugh knows which one can beat McCain.  He's practically endorsed her.  Say it with me Mighty Bots;  Hillary Rodham Clinton.  Maybe if you had been around for more of these things you'd know that.  Go back to making beer bongs and doing keg stands.

And if for some bizarre reason your empty suit gets the nomination I will at least have the satisfaction of watching him be crucified by the Democratic Party when he loses hugely to John McCain, which will only make it easier to drum him out of the Senate in 2010.

Ya know, I wouldn't be so hard on you people if you hadn't been conducting yourselves like such colossal assholes through this entire campaign.  I abhor fascists and hypocrites.  Too bad for you Bots that you fit into both categories so well.  Well, my mom always says you should excel in something.  Kudos to you!

The Biggest Loser

If the Democratic Party decides to commit suicide and nominate Obama I wonder how his loss will match up to the great Democratic Losers of the Past: Eugene McCarthy, Hubert Humphrey, George McGovern, Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Michael Dukakis, Al Gore, and John Kerry?  What a line up eh?

As with all things, Obama will lie, cheat and steal his way to the top of that class.  Wracking our brains last night I, and other wonks, were trying to figure out which states Obama would win in a general election.  For sure he'll get Illinois and Vermont...

Good luck with that buddy.

The Grand Viziers of Douche

So apparently there is a blog dedicated to trashing Taylor Marsh and members of the community there.  These fucks following a genuine ass, who's stated greatest policy strength is foreign policy because he lived in Indonesia for 4 years when he was a kid, and has "impoverished" relatives in Africa, even have little peon investigators collecting our posts.  And we're the idiots?

I am a bona fide target of their derision which, in the feeble mind of the average Obama supporter, must make me startlingly spot on with my analysis of the Grand Douche Fuck Obama.  They are even wasting their time quoting my blog, posting my survey results, and saying I am latently homosexual, elitist, and 5 years old.  I didn't realize that followers of the holy one, blessed is his pee, considered it a bad thing to be gay.  Apparently it is.  So much for uniting.  

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for honoring me with so much of your precious time that you otherwise occupy with circle jerking to Obama's audio book and getting your brown shirts starched. 

You're awesome!

I see none of you have the balls to comment here.  Funny, your candidate doesn't have the balls to debate.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Obamabots; the strongest argument for keeping abortion safe and legal.