The Good, The Bad, and The Stupid

Oh my valve. I take a few weeks off and all hell breaks loose. Where to begin? Ah yes...Gaza.

Poor Fatah and Hamas. They just can't decide who is going to be in charge of killing Israelis (and who will have access to all the yummy money, weapons, and other great stuff you get to be in charge of the Middle East's most popular vacation retreat...sorry Kurdistani Iraq aka the other Iraq). So instead of remembering that the glue that held all the disparate Arab factions together was killing Jews and wiping Israel off the map (an increasingly less valid body politic in world opinion...as long as Hamas is in charge...for some reason it's okay for Fatah to want to wipe out Israel...sorry Mr. Haniyeh...maybe it's your lame haircut). But El Greedo strikes again. Looks like Charles Beard was right: economic motivation really is paramount in man.

So while the world watches these opposing/unopposing factions kill each other I wonder where is the voice of reason saying, "I guess these guys are completely unfit to run their own country. Perhaps we need to cultivate a legitimate political entity in Gaza that is dedicated to building for the Arabs instead of killing Jews." Alas, Jimmy Carter is too busy napping, or back peddling on his criticism of The Shrub (in case you forgot Jimmy...spineless indecisiveness is why you lost to Ronald Reagan in 1980).

While we're in the region let's talk Lebanon. What the hell is that all about? My best guess is that this Fatah Islam group is perhaps some Al Qaida supported entity that Hezbollah doesn't want to see sprout up. Hey, this is their turf. If Osama Burt-Laden is going to move in he's gonna do it over Fat Black Turban Guy's dead body. So Fat Black Turban Guy calls his buddies in the Lebanese government and says, "Have the army bomb the crap out of the Palestinian refugee camp. It'll look like you're fighting terror and stuff." And they also get to kill Palestinians, which Arabs really don't mind doing. They only keep them around for political leverage against Israel anyway. If you don't believe me just ask King Abdullah in Jordan. He'd love to take Dick Cheney quail hunting in the streets of Amman. Too bad his Hashemite clan is in the minority. Sorry Abby baby.

Moving on...it's Global Climate Change...not Greenhouse Effect or Global Warming...Global Climate Change. It does sound sexier doesn't it? Hopefully it's sexy enough for Hollywood to pin a ribbon on their clothes today, and forget about it tomorrow. I think Liz Taylor may be the only star left in Hollywood who still wears a red ribbon, but she has been out of the public eye so long who knows? This is the issue of our times. Let's face it folks; unless we do something to change the direction we're going we're all dead anyway...except for Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitless (can you believe he had to leave his post at the World Bank? Who would have seen that coming), Donald Dumsfeld, and Paris Hilton as they will all be living it up on the moon. Most of you probably don't remember Rummy waxing philosophic over invading the moon during the propaganda spree that preceded the invasion of Iraq.

So the musicians are all going to get together to change the world's climate back to normal just like they ended famine in Africa. Thank god. It would be a shame for people to still be starving in Africa. Instead why don't all these obscenely wealthy idiots buy us all hybrid cars? And stop riding in limos, and producing giant electricity burning rock shows? Remember when loud was enough? Break a leg guys. Let's face it, I'm in it to see the Police and Spinal Tap.

When the hell did I become the voice of reason?