Golden Douchey Award

It’s been years since the last Golden Douchey Award was given. For those of you who are new to the Valve, the Golden Douchey is awarded to someone who really puts the Douche in Douchiness. This week’s recipient has risen to such high levels of doucheosity that I am simply giddy.

This week’s winner is none other than New York’s Lord Emperor of Douchylvania...

ANDREW CUOMO!!!

Still fresh from his douchey comment that America would never be great until women were allowed to express their full potential, afterwhich he hypocritically defeated Cynthia Nixon, failing to drop out of the primary so she could claim victory...Cuomo exceeded himself when it was revealed that contrary to his freak, the NYPD reported that he was not the victim of a fake bomb delivery. No doubt his fragile male ego felt flaccid as no one considered him worthy enough to even receive one fake bomb delivery while Maxine I Need a Lobotomy Waters got two.

Sorry gov, you’re a two time loser...but a one time winner of this week’s Golden Douchey!
Mazal tov!

Shut Up, Pampers!

As I predicted when the little narcissist who couldn't left office in 2017, Juan Peron Lincoln Jr Jr just can't stay out of the spotlight. His constant need for attention and adulation brought him to Nevada, presumably to stump for Democrat candidates (true to presidential form, in a recent 64 minute speech he referred to himself 102 times, and 92 times in a 30 minute speech). Of course he couldn't open his fart portal without attempting to take credit for the current economy, a lie no one really believes (apart from those who received a lifetime supply of Barry's Magical Hypnotic Unicorn Fartdust), no matter how many times he says it, in addition to repeating his claim for the longest streak of job creation ever...a fib debunked by NPR quite some time ago.

This is the same idiot who seemingly forgot saying we all had to get used to an economy that would never exceed 2% growth again. Ass.

The reality is that, for the most part, presidents don't have much effect over the economy. However, there is no mistaking the almost immediate response the economy and business sector showed when regulations were slashed, the corporate tax rate was lowered, and Americans got a little tax relief. Consumer confidence drives an economy. The only sector that showed any significant growth under Pampers was Wall Street...and we all know how that goes.

The great thing about Pampers' narcissism is that, despite his being out of office, I can still write about how he is still an unparalleled asshat.

Thanks, Bombom!

Welcome to the Grand Confusion

Let’s have a contest. A delusional loony contest. Who is more deluded...Jews who slavishly vote for and support democrats, or minority weasel and ultimate court Jew Chuck Schumer?

Frankly, it's a tie. Jewish democrats (those who care about being Jewish and are not in league with antisemites, like certified public idiot Bernie Panders who, if he isn't inserting his tongue into Cornell West's gap teeth or trying to slip his fingers under Linda Sosour's hijab, is wishing he could sew his foreskin back on) who actually believe there is room for them in Louis Farrakhan's little tent of racism...make no mistake...he is the head of the Democrat Party...just ask its misogynist Jew hating toady cochair Keith Farrakhan Jr Jr Ellison and the entire Congressional Black Caucus...have a disease of the mind that wouldn't be cured if expresident Hopeydope Slackula were shoving them onto trains with his hopeychangey hands.

And in the stupid corner, wearing a bedazzled dunce cap bearing the legend, "pathetic Jew toady idiot" is Chuck Schumer. The same Chuck Schumer who was accused by the expresident Little Lord Fraudleroy of having duel loyalties when he stood up against the Iran Nuclear Guarantee deal...that Rachel Madcow still insists prevents Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons (honestly how anyone, even if they blaze with a red hot anger over Lord Orange Julius that could melt carbon fiber, believes that she, or anyone at her network, could match the intellectual capacity of an empty packet of crisps, escapes me). The blatant Jew hate of Little Barry's administration, and its full throated acceptance by his party doesn't seem to phase Schumer at all...that's how in love he is with his power. If Pampers called him and said, "Hey Chuck, it's Barry. I want you to drive a busload of Jews off a cliff," he'd ask, "How fast ya wants me to drive it, Sahib?" Which is why it comes as no surprise that Schumer publicly insists that his party of Jew haters still fully supports Israel, when we all saw at the 2012 convention, and long before, that this couldn't possibly be more untrue.

PS...anyone got a tally of how many elected Democrats who used to support moving the embassy to Jerusalem decided to object to Numpty actually doing it?

Just curious.

PPS, any Jew supporting the candidacy of Cory Spartuchus Booker should get in line for their bris reversal behind Bernie.

Spare Me The Sanctimonious Human Rights Handwringing Over Jamal Khashoggi

We have ignored Chinese atrocities in Tibet, its imprisonment of dissidents and journalists, and its generally repulsive human rights record for decades. In fact, on her first mission as Secretary of State, Hillary Pay to Play Clinton was sent to China by the previous president to deliver the message that the United States will gladly ignore China’s abuses as long as it continued to finance America’s debt.

In the wake of a coup attempt, Recep Erdogan’s purging of journalists actually put Turkey in the number 1 slot of journalist imprisonments over China. The response from the previous president was to, according to senior administration officials as reported by the New York Times, to give Erdogan a “shout out” for surviving the coup attempt against the most repressive anti democratic leader in Turkey in my lifetime. Maybe it was their common hatred of Israel that kept their friendship alive...🤔

Iran’s mullahs run an oppressive theocracy that beats and incarcerates women for violating their medieval decency laws, and publicly hangs homosexuals from construction cranes. In spite of this, the previous president was lauded, praised and extolled for cozying up to Iran, giving it permission to develop nuclear weapons in a deal that everyone swears prevents Iran from having nuclear weapons...despite the reality that the exact opposite is true...terminating economic sanctions, and clandestinely flying over a billion dollars in cash to finance their terror operations in Gaza, Lebanon, and Syria.

Saudi Arabia has been a medieval backwater of repression for decades. In spite of this we buy its oil and kiss its rear. The previous president bowed down before its king, and made not one word of protest when this gross violator of human rights was made head of the UN Human Rights Council (in contrast to outgoing UN ambassador Nikki Haley whose repeated admonishment of the UN’s ignoring of human rights violations by the ranking members of the UNHRC is unprecedented). In fact, when it first came out that Saudi Arabia was poised to head the UNHRC, the Barry State Department was reported in the Washington Post as saying they would “welcome it.” Further, the relationship with the Saudis was seen by the previous administration as worth preserving enough for the president to fly there to kiss their tuchus, despite their unrelenting bombing of civilians in Yemen, when the Saudis became distressed about the president’s support of Iran, and its lack of action in Syria and against ISIS.

So forgive me if I find all the handwringing about Jamal Khashoggi being murdered...in Turkey...as a bunch of disingenuous posing designed to inflame the populace against the president (who has strengthened ties with the Saudis as part of the administration policy of isolating Iran as opposed to holding it up) leading up to the midterms. Numpty is president and suddenly everyone cares about human rights. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so pathetic.

In fact both the White House and the EU have expressed incredulity toward the Saudi tall tales regarding the Khashoggi murder...which now apparently is being couched as a slap fight gone wrong and ending with his corpse being wrapped in a carpet and being removed from the consulate while a Saudi agent left the building wearing his clothes to make it look like he was still alive. 

The White House is said to be considering sanctions against Saudi Arabia...I’m not holding my breath.

It would be nice if we didn’t live in a world where ignoring human rights violations was the price of business. Perhaps one day we will get there. But let’s not kid ourselves that the fourth estate gives one crap about human rights. It only cares about enabling the dictators it favors. And like clapping seals, the populace plays along and dances on their strings like Pavlov’s dogs.

Bibi Netanyahu Finds His Beitzim In Terror Tunnel

When Bibi Was Bad Ass

After about 5 years of puckering up to Macaque Pajama, it looks like Bibi Netanyahu may have finally find his balls.  In 2009 he gave a speech at Bar-Ilan University in which he threw his support behind the creation of Falacstinian state in Yehuda and Shomron.  He followed this with approving a 10 month construction freeze in Jewish communities there.  Again and again he made concessions and offers to Holocaust denier and Jew murderer Abu Mazen, at O'Barbie's behest, to try and get the Falacstinian terrorists to come back to the negotiating table to continue the fraudulent kabuki theater known as the Arab-Israeli "Piece Process."  This, of course, finally broke down, as even Bibi grew tired of bending over for O'Barbie who never once opened his mouth to get concessions from the Arabs on even the most basic things like getting them to stop teaching Falacstinian children that killing Jews is awesome, or recognizing Israel's right to exist...ya know...the little things.

Everything started to change after Eyal, Gilad, and Naphtali were kidnapped and murdered by supposedly "rogue" Hamas agents.  Hamas increased its rocket barrages, and Bibi finally had enough.  Fast forward 3 weeks.  John "Badger Hair" Kerry began running around the Middle East like highschooler desperately trying to get a date to the prom, despite horrid bad breath, chronic flatulence, and the tendency to whistle through his nose when he uses the letter "S," to negotiate a ceasefire so he could leave the State Department being able to say that he managed to accomplish one thing.

Israel had already honored a handful of ceasefires, all of which Hamas broke because...well...that's what Hamas does.  But the 72 hour ceasefire that was scheduled for this past Friday was going to be special.  It was backed by Qatar and Turkey, the new principle supporters of Hamas, giving sufficient cover to this axis's dark lord of filth, Iran.  Bibi had no reason to think Hamas would keep the ceasefire but, like the new kid on the playground trying to get in good with the popular crowd, Bibi went along.  He probably felt an extra obligation to this as he knew that US funding for Iron Dome missiles was on the line.  If that's true, it only goes to show how little Bibi is able to read the tea leaves of American politics.  It's like this Bibi: the Congress allocates the money, the president signs the bill.  The president is not going to reject the funding bill because, even though he is flooding the country with illegal aliens with the expectation that they will vote Democrat, they are not all registered to vote yet, so he can't replace the Jewish vote at the moment...and he also needs that "Hollywood Jew money" to fund Democrat coffers, so he can't piss them off.  But let's be honest, if he could get away with it, O'Barbie would let Israel piss in the wind.  It is also not beneath the Little Shithead that Couldn't to threaten Bibi by saying he will delay signing the appropriations bill if Bibi doesn't do something else really stupid, like start giving Apache helicopters to Hamas to make the fighting more fair.  But with the midterm elections looming, even O'Barbie is not that stupid.

So, Bibi agrees to the 72 hour ceasefire and what happens?  Hamas breaks it within the first 90 minutes, launching a salvo of rockets, and a suicide bomb attack from a terror tunnel in which two soldiers were killed, and a third was kidnapped and subsequently killed as the IDF attempted to prevent the Hamas animals from successfully getting their hostage to Gaza.

With egg on their faces, Kerry and Macaque came out very strongly against Hamas for the kidnapping, and for breaking the ceasefire (apparently they only get mad at Arab Muslims when they are embarrassed by them, not when they commit crimes against humanity, like using human shields and intentionally targeting civilians).  And it was in this moment that Bibi finally grew a spine, calling the American ambassador to Israel, and the Secretary of Hate to tell them not second guess him again.  It is currently being reported by some sources that Bibi has said he will not accept any more ceasefire proposals, and that the operation will go on until Hamas is defeated.  If that is true, then Bibi will surely be the lion of Judah who found his beitzim.

Iron Dome and the Dirty Harry Moan

Yesterday, skeleton zombie Harry Reid attempted to pass a border bill that he knew Republicans would not vote for, by tying it to a funding bill for Israel's Iron Dome program.  The Democrat party relationship with Israel, and the Jewish people at large, is currently tenuous at best (except among DumbJews who still think that liberalism is an acceptable god), as the president now openly supports the destruction of Israel, and the genocide of the Jewish people, through his very obvious support of Hamas through both diplomatic and financial means.


Harry, being from Nevada, decided to play Russian roulette with Israeli lives just to pass a weak border protection bill that would have accomplished virtually nothing, with the exception of making Democrats look like they are actually doing something...besides flooding the country with future Democrat voters.  And yes, that's exactly what Reid did...played political Russian roulette with Israeli lives to try and pass a bill.  That is how little Jewish blood means to that corrupt little asshole.

Apparently Harry got the message that one doesn't try and score in political games by rolling the dice on the survival of an entire country.  I have not been able to ascertain exactly what transpired to get the Iron Dome bill passed, but my best guess is that it was put forward as a stand-alone bill, which easily passed with bi-partisan support.  The bill now moves on to the House.  Pampers will have no choice but to sign it.  If he doesn't, even useless ADL jackoff Abraham Foxman would have to get involved, and no one wants that...especially Abraham Foxman.

Asshat Harry tried to blame the Republicans for the failure of yesterday's vote, but that lie smells worse than my tofu farts on a hot day.  Nothing is beneath that wretched scumbag.  The funding of Iron Dome should have been a stand-alone bill in the first place but, as we know about Democrat scumbaggery, a good crisis should never be wasted.  They will stop at nothing to get their power grubbing agenda advanced, even if it means forfeiting Israel's only real defense against Hamas rockets.

Screw you Harry.  You are the crown prince of assholes.

Nancy Pelosi: Natural Born Stupid

An Israeli military operation sure does flush the chumps.  Naughty Nazi Nancy Pelosi just couldn't stay out of the fray.  If she's not having her face stretched to the dark side of the moon, she's carrying water for the man-cub president she genuflects to every time she passes a high fibre bowel movement. 

I have always considered Pelosi to be among the great douchebags of American politics, so it doesn't come as a surprise that she has managed to exceed her already well established level of douchosity.  Seriously, how is it someone so utterly stupid, someone who barely functions as a human being, gets reelected over and over again?  I can only imagine that either her district is populated by people who are actually more brain dead than she is, or her electoral fraud machine operates with such efficiency that no one bothers to count the votes anymore.

Her latest achievement in maximum stupid came on an appearance on Pampers sycophant Candy Crowley's "State of the Union" show.  {Let me just interject here, the fact that Candy Crowley still has a job after her 2012 revelation that she spotted Macaque in the presidential debate she "moderated," backing his calling the attack on Benghazi a terrorist action and not a spontaneous protest, is testimony to the fact that either CNN is a government run mouthpiece, or Candy threatened to eat 10lbs of raw broccoli and asphyxiate her producer.} 

When an international crisis looms, Nancy always likes to pretend she is relevant, and has some kind of say in what is happening, even though we know she spends most of her time worshiping at the altar of Botoxus, the Stretch Armstrong god of facials.  Attempting to sound like a diplomat, while covering for the fact that her boss is doing nothing about the crisis except fund the Islamofascist regimes that back Hamas, she actually said:

"And we have to confer with the Qataris, who have told me over and over again that Hamas is a humanitarian organization." 

Do I have to go on?

In Nancy's defense, her face is stretched tighter that a tennis racket on a hot day, which probably causes a dramatic reduction in blood flow to her already addled brain.  If she and Russell Brand had a love child, I'm pretty sure it would be born with its head lodged up its ass.

Image courtesy of LogisticsMonster!

Russell Brand: A Special Kind of Idiot.

Russell Brand is a recovering drug addict and out of work actor who was fired from Mtv for showing up the day after 9/11 dressed as Osama Bert Laden.  As a means of reviving his career as a crackpot out of work actor, he has repackaged himself as some new age messiah/Dalai Lama/Gandhi.  There's only one problem with this branding of Brand: he is a fucking idiot who in fact sympathizes with Hamas, the genocidal terrorist group whose charter calls for the destruction of Israel, and the genocide of the Jewish people.  Captain Cumbaya even goes so far as to invoke the so-called Israel lobby that he thinks controls the US government.

Whoops!  That doesn't sound very enlightened or new age...does it?

It's all very well and good to run around talking about enlightenment and the raising of the consciousness of the human race.  Holding both the Dalai Lama and the Mahatma as personal heroes (I know...weird isn't it?), I'm all for, and dedicate my life work to achieving that very object.  But, unlike Brand, who gets all his news from the television, which he himself claims to be a fucked up idiot box of lies, I do not have a broken moral compass.  And guess what?  Neither did the Mahatma, nor does the Dalai Lama.  Both recognize evil and understand it must be combated.  One does not look evil in the face and pretend it's a shiny unicorn pissing rainbows and shitting pots of gold, which is exactly what Brand thinks Hamas does.

So, since I'm pretty sure that dear Russell googles himself on a regular basis just to see if anyone is talking about him, and will thus likely end up here, I'm publishing a couple videos of the rainbow pissing gold shitting Hamas in action so he can see just what it is he is sympathizing with, and offer him the opportunity to apologize to the entire human race for opening up his ignorant blow hole and filling the world with his self-important lunatic ravings, which actually lowers the collective IQ of the entire human race.

Here are some Hamas good fellas...dragging the corpse of a victim they executed for possibly being a collaborator.  I'm sure Russell you feel this is justified, to be executed without a trial, because, after all, he might have collaborated with the Zionist Entity.  Russell Brand is against Habeus Corpus.



Here's a charming video made by an Arab who...get this Russell...hates Hamas and is exposing them for the murderous mafiosos they are...but you think they're freedom fighters.  Watch the whole thing you self-righteous, ignorant jackass.


Are you getting this now, Russell, or are you going to continue to celebrate these murderers, sympathizing with their mission to target innocent people, destroy their country, and murder every single Jewish man, woman, and child, while they subject their own people to the fascist Muslim oppression of mind, body and soul?

Russell, you are an ignorant moron, not the Dalai Lama.  Get over yourself.  You are morally broken, an imbecile in the moral realm, an imbecile in general.  Do yourself and the rest of humanity a favor, Russell: move to a Buddhist monastery and take a permanent vow of silence.

Italian Reporter Exposes the Truth in Gaza: Hamas Shelled Shati

There is a great deal of controversy regarding the shelling of a UNRWA school in a Falacstinian refugee camp in Gaza (how you have a refugee camp in an area that has been under exclusive Falacstinian sovereignty for nearly 10 years is a question you'll have to ask UNRWA).  The UN is accusing Israel of shelling a school that had 3000 civilians in it.  Seventeen of them were reportedly killed.  Odd isn't it that the "indiscriminate shelling" of a school resulted in only 17 dead when there were supposedly 3000 inside?  Not if it turns out that the school was actually hit by Hamas rocket fire, and not Israeli. 

Italian reporter Gabriele Barbati is leading the charge against the falsified stories coming out of Gaza, generated by journalists who are reporting under threat of reprisals from Hamas if they tell the truth about that is happening there.  Barbati has stated in a tweet he sent upon leaving Gaza that it was Hamas, AND NOT ISRAEL, that was responsible for the shelling of the playground adjacent to the school, and that evidence of Hamas' crime was hastily removed.  Meanwhile, a UN spokesman, John Ging, who claims there is forensic evidence that Israel shelled the school, states rather clearly that Hamas in fact fires rockets and mortars from UN facilities, and civilian housing, just as the IDF has been saying from the beginning.

 The following transcript was furnished by the Muqata Facebook Page:

 JOHN GING: The militants, Hamas, and the other armed groups, they are firing also their weaponry, the rockets, into Israel from the vicinity of these [UN] installations and housing and so on, so the combat is being conducted very much in a residential built up area.

CBC NEWS ANCHOR: The Israeli government has said repeatedly that Hamas is using human shields, they are using UN schools, hospitals -- not only, by the way, to store weapons -- I know 3 UN-run schools have been found with munitions stored in them, as weapons depots -- but in the UN's experience, is Hamas or militant groups, Islamic Jihad, are they launching rockets nearby these shelters, these UN schools? Are they using it essentially as a shelter?

JOHN GING: Yes, the armed groups are firing their rockets into Israel from the vicinity of UN facilities and residential areas, absolutely.

Funny how, in light of the mounting evidence, that the UN and EU leaders are not rushing to condemn Hamas, as they were when the UN first said Israel was responsible.  Nor have any of them retracted their condemnations of Israel in the incident.  Just another day of Jew hate from the people who brought you the Holocaust, and the ones preparing the second.


Apparently, a number of incidents of journalist intimidation are being reported after the fact.  The simple truth is that you are not getting accurate news about what is happening in Gaza from anyone reporting there.  It is only those who leave that have the spine to tell the truth who can be considered credible.  CNN is, as usual, leading the charge of the unmitigated liars, and will never retract any lies because images of dead children boosts ratings...the truth about Israel's significant attempts to protect human life, in spite of Hamas committing the double war crime of firing on civilians in the midst of human shields does not.  Unfortunately, this means that a lot of useful idiots are transmitting lies that incites violence around the world against Jews, and has insane lunatic douchebags like Russell Brand, going on about that which they know not.  But we'll deal with dear Russell in another post.

Hillary Clinton: Stupid Idiot or Brain Damaged?

For those of you who were following this blog in 2008, you know that I was a rabid supporter of Hillary Clinton in the primaries, going so far as to join the PUMAs and travel to Denver for the Democratic Convention, where I witnessed the savage fascism of The Barry's minions.  My street cred goes one step further in that I was commissioned to compose an updated version of the Declaration of Sentiments honoring Clinton's historic performance in the primaries, and as protest to the blatant misogyny leveled against her by the O'Barfy campaign and the fawning media (which we all know will be climbing up her ass to kiss it in 2016). 

I should clarify that I never felt we needed another Clinton in the White House.  Two Shrubs was enough.  We don't need to start being a nation with legacy executives.  While I fully supported then, as I do now, the aspiration of women to shatter glass ceilings, and most importantly break free of the crippling image war set upon them by Madison Avenue, Hollywood, and the media at large, I will be much happier if Hillary Clinton is NEVER president of the United States.  My support of her candidacy was, to be frank, because I knew then what everyone but the truly brain dead knows now: that Macaque Pajama is a Jew hating, self serving, corrupt, narcissistic idiot clown from hell who doesn't care who gets thrown under the bus, as long as he gets to keep driving without a license.

Clinton was a complete disappointment as Secretary of State, a position she took because it appealed to the one personal conviction she has: the increasing power of Hillary Clinton.  Unfortunately for her, she hitched her wagon to an affirmative action candidate who turned out to be the political equivalent of a kid on sedatives riding the short bus because he spent the first ten years of his life sniffing glue.

My argument against candidate Hillary Clinton now is simple.  In 1995, Clinton famously traveled to Beijing, China for a women's rights convention.  She made the trip at risk to her own life, and against the advice of American security personnel.  At the convention she famously stated, "Human rights are women's rights, and women's rights are human rights."  It was a landmark moment to be sure, one that left a deep impression on me at the time.

Fast forward to 2009 when Secretary of Hate Clinton traveled to China for her first diplomatic mission on behalf of the Douche who would be king.  Her mission was simple: get China to keep buying our debt so that our economy doesn't completely collapse.  She met with Chinese officials and essentially told them not to worry about the United States making any complaints or noise about Chinese human rights violations, or the wee bit of genocide going on in Tibet (Input the word Tibet on this blog's search bar and you should be able to see the photos of young Tibetans being taken to slaughter and the tops of their heads blown off by our dear Chinese friends.).  So the woman who famously equated women's rights with human rights, basically updated her declaration to, "F-ck human rights."

Now I'm sure that her sheople supporters who have been foaming at the mouth, waiting for 2016, will excuse her saying, "She was just following orders."  Anyone who makes that excuse is a sick brain dead loser and should not be allowed to vote, nor be allowed to sit at the grown-up's table in any situation or echelon of life.  They should be relegated to the cesspool to live off their own excrement like frogs, as they are of the same breed as Nazi excuse makers that spewed the "I was just following orders" line for why they shot Jews in the head and dumped them into open pits.

Wow!  No that I have that out of my system, let's talk about the fact that, in addition to being a power hungry hypocrite, Hillary Clinton has turned out to be either be a first class moron, or is actually brain damaged, as asserted by the notorious pig man ass clown, Karl Rove.  Why?  Because the woman who was complicit in leaving four Americans to die in Benghazi to cover up the nefarious action of her boss, thinks that the reason Hamas stores rockets in UNRWA schools, hospitals, and civilian homes is because...Gaza is a densely populated place and gosh gee...there's just no where else to put them.

Really?  And you want to be President of the United States?  The only hard choice you seem to make Hillary is whether to be stupid, or extra stupid.

If you support Hillary in 2016 you are in need of help.  And I mean that in the most loving way.