It's the same in any lingo

בַּת-בָּבֶל, הַשְּׁדוּדָה: אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיְשַׁלֶּם-לָךְ-- אֶת-גְּמוּלֵךְ, שֶׁגָּמַלְתּ לָנוּ
אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיֹּאחֵז וְנִפֵּץ אֶת-עֹלָלַיִךְ-- אֶל-הַסָּלַע


How can one be compelled to accept slavery? I simply refuse to do the master's bidding. He may torture me, break my bones to atoms and even kill me. He will then have my dead body, not my obedience. Ultimately, therefore, it is I who am the victor and not he, for he has failed in getting me to do what he wanted done. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? If not now, when? ~ Rav Hillel, Pirke Avot

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes
Wear It With Pride

12 December 2008

Blago Blows It

So let me see if I've got this straight... Governor Blag the Inhaler skinned a skunk, and sewed the pelt to his head; then set up a booth at the Illinois State Fair where he put out a great big jar of jelly beans. Contestants would then give the Governor lots of money, or a sweet job. Whomever gave the Governor the most money, and/or the sweetest job, would correctly guess the number of jellybeans and get to go to Capitol Hill and eat the jellybeans until they got good and sick. Lots of people wanted to play, and some even had conversations trying to get the Governor to tell them how many jellybeans were in the jar, even though that was clearly cheating. And now it turns out that there might be some recorded conversations between Pampers' People and Blag the Inhaler or his Inhaled People, and that those recordings are in the hands of the FBI...whoops! (tip o' the hat)

Of course Pampers' first response was to interrupt his morning ego massage for a press conference, or as we say in Obiana, two minutes lying, to say that none of the angels of leprosy at the Transition Central Committee spoke with Blago.  Then it was of to the midway for a vigorous round of "Under-the-bus toss." He's gotten quite good at it. He won an oversized stuffed Stimpy.

Looks like the Governor is in big trouble with the Fair operators. No doubt he'll start spilling the jellybeans in order to shorten the length of time he will be someone's white collar beeatcha. Hey, even investment bankers get the blues.

And in yet another SNN exclusive, sources reveal Pampers' preferred pay to play contestant to replace him in the Senate.

My advice to the Governor, and anyone else implicated in the jellybean scheme is this: use the Chewbacca Defense.


My advice to the rest of you is pop the popcorn, melt the butter, crack open a beer, and get psyched. This is gonna be kick ass! And you thought there wasn't going to be any hope or change...I mean dope and mange.  I like a little garlic, kosher salt and curry powder added to the butter.  You can also throw a couple cardamom pods in there.  Yum!

Unfinished Business: Secretary of State Clinton

I have not commented as yet on Senator Clinton’s appointment to the position of Secretary of State. I have been content to watch and read the debate unfold over the past several weeks. For me, her accepting this post is a mixed bag.

Her uncompromising voice for democratic values in the Senate, particularly on the issue of FISA; her ceaseless advocacy for women, whether it be strengthening family planning, access to health care, or rights; her devotion to fighting for children’s environmental protections, and shedding light on the need for early childhood education across economic and social lines; her stand on ending the possibility of burying nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain…all this has made her an essential force in our legislature. I for one, will miss her standing up on the Senate floor.

She now ascends to a larger, broader stage, where she will bring her depth of knowledge, critical, eye, and ability to connect various threads, to hone and craft solutions to a myriad of crises and situations. When faced with the list of alternatives, I can think of no one better suited to this position than her.

Many are disappointed by what they see as her choosing to prop up the man cub that would be king by taking this job. Others feel betrayed, and have since the summer, when she did not take her fight for the nomination to the floor of the Democratic National Convention in Denver.  I admit that I myself crapped a whale watching her call for a vote of acclamation from the floor, compounded by the bowel perforating sham that was the roll call.  All 47 Arkansas delegates voted for Pampers?  Not without serious arm twisting shenanigans, which no one in the media was interested in looking into as they were far too busy selling the "party unity" meme.  Though honestly, what disappointed me most was that she did not go before the Credentials Committee and at least make them address the sham of May 31, 2008.

But in the end, what could she have done?  Who in the Democrat Party leadership was willing to stand up and demand that the delegates be allowed to vote openly?  After what happened at the Rules and Bylaws Committee meeting it was obvious that the Pampers train was not going to be stopped, and that Clinton was going to be tied to the tracks.  Partisanship overrides Principle, and that is the problem in the end isn't it?

I have said many times on this blog that what distinguishes Senator Clinton from many of her peers, particularly the Resident-select, is that she is a public servant first, a politician second. She did not move to New York, as her detractors callously suggest, simply to run for Senate so that she could position herself to run for the White House. She has made a career out of advocacy, and every move that she makes is to strengthen her ability to carry out all that this entails.

She did not run for President to become the first woman elected. She did not run for President to fulfill the dreams and desires of American women, many of whom have callously abandoned her as she makes this move. When I see this I wonder just how many of these people really understand who she is, and what she is about.

She was viciously attacked by the media, and the Resident-select, in unforgivable fits of misogyny, that have turned so many of us away we are fashioning ourselves into journalists and advocates ourselves. These attacks however do not define her. Senator Clinton has been beyond the women’s rights movement for her entire career. Where is she then? She is standing on the shoulders of Dr. King. She believes in his vision of the Promised Land. I have said before, and will say again that King’s dream was not getting a man of color in the White House. It was that we would learn to see the rights of everyone as being as sacred and worth defending as our own.  Again and again Hillary Clinton echoes that call, as she did in Beijing, and as recently as June 7, 2008 in Washington D.C.

We are not all “other.” Women, men, children from everywhere, regardless of who, what, where, or which way, are endowed with the same rights, but billions…billions of us face circumstances where forces outside of ourselves work tirelessly to deny us those rights; our indefeasible human rights. Not indigenous rights, not gay rights, not religious rights, children’s rights, or women’s rights: HUMAN RIGHTS.

Our struggle, in the end, is the same. The forces that oppose us, in the end, are the same.  The blood we shed in the struggle is the same. Your need and desire for your rights and freedoms is no more or less important than mine because it is the same struggle, so if you say, “Mine are more important than yours,” you fail to see what Hillary Clinton stands for, and fail to see why she is willing to put her political life on the line to be Secretary of State; just as she did in 1995 when she went to Beijing against the wishes of her President’s Department of State, his advisers, and the President himself. She risked alienating everyone, and risked her life, to stand before women of the world and urge them to enjoin their struggle with the struggles of all people because they are fighting for the same thing. She urged women to stand up and say we too are human, and this struggle belongs to us. And she challenged the world to accept that women and girls are entitled to the same protections and freedom from oppression as men and boys.

No more honor killings. No more slavery. No more rape. No more burnings with fire and acid. No more imprisonment without due process. No more forced circumcisions. No more torture. No more genocide. These are not rights simply for women. This is the universal struggle.

The fourth wave of feminism is here. It is here, and Hillary Clinton ushered it in. Women’s rights are human rights, and the struggle for human rights is the struggle for women’s rights. We stand together or we fall silent alone. And it is the women who should be leading all of us. And they are. The Gulabi Gang in India stood up for themselves against injustices they were facing. Now they stand up against economic and caste prejudices, on behalf of women, men, and children. When they defend others, they strengthen themselves. They are becoming the leaders, and their status grows. Here in America women are starting to do the same. This is the fourth wave: assuming power, and leading the fight.

NOW, NARAL, Emily’s List; the all betrayed what they stood for in 2008. They are fast becoming irrelevant, but women are standing up and building new institutions. 

That is what Hillary Clinton is about. That is why she is accepting the Department of State. She owes no loyalty to those who campaigned for her. She owes us nothing. I did not support her because she is a woman. I supported her because I know she understands that the fight is to be joined in all our names, genders, orientations, races, class, age and creed. I supported her because her vision is the legacy of Dr. King.

There will always be men and women to call her shrill, mock her laugh, call her a bitch, a whore, grope her cutout, make misogynist bumper stickers and t-shirts about her. She will go on in spite of it. When asked to iron a man’s shirt she will turn on the lights in the room so that everyone can see the sexism. But she will not stop. She will not back down. She will follow her own advice that she gave us in Denver. She will keep going, and she will do what she feels she must to insure that she can. Her detractors (I’m talking about you Rush and your “Sexretary of State” crap) will say this is just her cold, calculating, power-hungry Hillary way. I suspect that if she met him she’d just give him a Tweety pinch on the cheek and say, “Oh, Rush.”

It is already apparent that she will be making advocacy for children a priority. No doubt she will do the same for women, and other marginalized communities in the countries we deal with, and no doubt in countries to whom we doggedly turn a blind eye, as they do not produce oil, or some other such commodity that we deem more important than human rights.

I believe we will be seeing a dramatic shift in the way our State Department deals with the world. I suppose there will be career diplomats who will have no desire to step out of their comfort zones and push to move humanity forward, instead of dickering in little backroom games that benefit the powerful and leave the voiceless in perpetual destitution. I suspect, as in all things Hillary, they will play her game, or they will be gone.

Many have said she will have to do the President’s bidding. I can’t remember the last time she did anyone’s bidding without getting something else in exchange. I have a feeling that is how she got this job. The Resident-select wants only one thing; to be reselected. He will allow Hillary to do what she does, or he will drown. He has no foreign policy agenda. He has no legislative agenda. There is no issue he is passionate about. He is passionate about himself. Others will do the work for him. Will we be stuck with him for another four years because of what she does? He only gets reselected because people vote for him. It is up to us to defeat him, not Hillary Clinton. Her job is to make sure the foreign ship of state is vigilant against those that would do us harm, work for peace, expand and strengthen our alliances, and do what she can under the umbrella of America’s might to help those around the world who have no voice. For too long our foreign policy has been conducted on the backs of the human rights of others, in Tibet, where the people are facing cultural genocide at the hands of the Han; in Africa, where people face physical genocide because of governmental indifference, and the need for oil; in Arab countries, where women are shrouded, doused with acid, and have their tongues cut out; in South America where indigenous nations are decimated in the name of profits. Will Secretary of State Clinton solve these problems? I will not say that. But I can say that she will be far less likely to ignore them. And I’m pretty confident that the President-Select will not be so stupid as to stand in the way.

I applaud the notion of Secretary of State Clinton. At least there is something to be optimistic about for the next four years. I have no such faith in the Clown Prince of Fraud. Senator Clinton, I wish you luck, and success. I would wish strength for you, but that I know is something you already possess.




10 December 2008

Tales of the Reconstruction

As I mentioned earlier in the week, Oh...My Valve! is going to be undergoing a face lift.  In reality, it has imploded.  I am going to be cleaning up the mess and reorganizing over the next few days.  If you have any comments, liked the old format, like what you see so far...let us know.  We want your experience to be as pleasurable as possible.


The Latest from the Shtuey News Network: Corruption Charges the Least of Blago's Problems.

See the SNN exclusive story here!

09 December 2008

James Carville's Brain: Just a Piece of Cardboard




Once again, the media boys club gets its yucks at the expense of the women's movement. Maybe Mr. Carville is right, it's just a piece of cardboard. I wonder what he would say if that piece of cardboard were Barack Obama, and Clinton staffers were putting a noose around his neck?

Not the same you say? Really?

On college campuses across this country, the type of action being depicted in that photo, fondling a woman, and making her drink, often ends up in a rape in some frat boy's bedroom or dorm room. Is this what was behind Favreau's actions? I certainly hope not. More likely this was a victory guy thing, "We beat Hillary! Ha Ha!" But this is not about Favreau's motivations. This is about image. And the image in that photo (which he put on his own Facebook page James, you bald headed idiot), is an image that, when seen on the Facebook page of a principle staffer of the soon to be President, the speech writer who will craft the message that comes out of the mouth of the man, it is a validation that the action that the photo depicts is acceptable.

In an enlightened society we could look at this photo and say it is merely sophomoric. But we are not an enlightened society. We are a society that upholds Kesey's Postulate: "In any given situation there are always going to be more dumb people than smart people." We live in a society where date rape is committed regularly on college campuses. We live in a society where women are victims of violence at the hands of people who live in their homes. We live in a society that continually fails to see that women, who are more than half of this nation's population, are endowed with the same unalienable rights as men, but chronically have them violated in the workplace, the home, in public, and behind closed doors.

The imagery behind this photo is unacceptable in a rights based society that espouses that all of us are created equal. The President of the United States is the Constitutional promulgator of the law of the land. If the Resident-Select keeps Jon Favreau on his staff he is sending the message that we are not created equal, that it is okay to demean women. Either you represent us all Mr. Obama, or none of us.

Fire Favreau, now.

And Mr. Carville, perhaps if men, such as yourself, understood why women find this photo offensive, if you took the time to walk a mile, then maybe an organization like The New Agenda would be unnecessary.



For those of you wanting to take action to get this little frat douche canned here's some action for ya.

Sign this petition.


Email Valerie Jarrett Co-Chair Transition (Hurry, she may be the first Pampers staffer thrown under the bus for Blogogate)
vjarrett@barackobama.com

Call Transition Headquarters:
202-540-3000 press option # 2 for a live person

Email Media:
hardball@msnbc.com; caffertyfile@cnn.com; cnn.onair@cnn.com; comments@mclaughlin.com; Cavuto@foxnews.com; LouDobbs@cnn.com; hemmer@foxnews.com; headlinenews@cnn.com; Hannity@foxnews.com; gretawire@fox.com ; writemalkin@gmail.com ; elrushbo@eibnet.com; charlierose@pbs.org; gretawire@fox.com;

On Flowers and Matters of Consequence.


Our intrepid traveler, the little prince, before he arrived on planet earth, travelled to many other worlds, encountering a different sort of person on each one: a king who claimed to rule the stars, but who did not have their allegiance; a conceited man who only wished to be admired, but who never received any visitors; a tippler who drank to forget his shame at being a tippler; a businessman concerned with "matters of consequence" who counted the stars and thus believed he owned them, a lamplighter who lights and extinguishes a lamp because he was ordered to do so, and has not been ordered to stop; and a geographer who had no concept of the geography of his own planet as he was not an explorer.  It was on the geographer's planet that the little prince experienced a moment of regret.  He left someone behind on his planet when he decided to go on his walkabout through the stars: a flower with only four thorns to defend herself against the world.  It is because of this that, once on earth, the little prince finds himself concerned about the conflict between flowers and sheep.

He inquires of the misanthropic pilot as to whether sheep would eat flowers, even if they had thorns, to which the pilot replies, "A sheep eats anything it finds in its reach," even flowers with thorns.

On hearing this the little prince begins to wonder what the point of having thorns is, if they offer no protection from the sheep.  The pilot, who was fixing his engine, failed to answer properly, claiming he was involved in "matters of consequence," the same phrase uttered by the businessman who claimed to own the stars.  The little prince flew into a rage.
"The flowers have been growing thorns for millions of years. For millions of years the sheep have been eating them just the same. And is it not a matter of consequence to try to understand why the flowers go to so much trouble to grow thorns which are never of any use to them? Is the warfare between the sheep and the flowers not important? Is this not of more consequence than a fat red-faced gentleman's sums? And if I know-- I, myself-- one flower which is unique in the world, which grows nowhere but on my planet, but which one little sheep can destroy in a single bite some morning, without even noticing what he is doing-- Oh! You think that is not important!"
 "If some one loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars. He can say to himself, 'Somewhere, my flower is there...' But if the sheep eats the flower, in one moment all his stars will be darkened... And you think that is not important!"
How much different are we from the flower?  In the end, what do we have to defend ourselves with against the sheep?  And how do we protect what is most dear to us?  Is this not a matter of consequence?  And who are you really?  Are you the king of nothing, a lamplighter who follows orders?  Who are you?  And what is most important to you in this world?  What are the things, that if you lose them will darken the stars for you forever?  Is it your family?  Your children?  Your freedom?  What do you have that you would lay down your life to protect?  This is a matter of consequence.  Now, when we find ourselves drawing inexorably closer to an unknown, an unpredictable time when the only thing certain is the uncertain, these matters of consequence need to be dealt with.

08 December 2008

Finally!

A response from the President-Select regarding the photo of Jon Favreau photo on Facebook of him groping the life-size Clinton cutout (you remember Favreau right?  he's the douche that puts the words in Pampers' mouth).  Oh wait, that's not a response...IT'S DEAFENING SILENCE!!!

Pampers reminds me of that Abba Eban quote about the Palestinians; They never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.  Just when he could redeem his sexist, misogynist self, Pampers has to go shoot hoops instead of being a man and taking care of business.

Fire the son of a bitch you pig.  What the hell is the matter with you?  This guy is really going to be your speech writer when you're Resident of the United States?  You're already as big a joke as the Shrub.  

And the national nightmare continues!

Listen to the Color of Your Dreams

Today marks the 28th anniversary of the slaying of John Lennon.  People talk about generational markers, points of significance, and how you relate to them.  "Where were you when JFK was assassinated?"  "Where were you when the Challenger exploded?"  For me the question is, "Where were you when John Lennon was killed?"

I was asleep.

My brother, who was already up getting ready for school, woke me saying, "Get up, John Lennon was shot.  He's dead."

My response was, of course, "Shut the fuck up."  He told me to turn on the radio.  It was true.  And so, another of my heroes shot dead in cold blood.  Fucking great.  There was only one other kid in my elementary school class who was as into music, and specifically the Beatles, as I was.  We wanted to stay home, but the death of a rock hero was not considered a sufficient excuse for staying home from school, but apparently the Phillies winning their first World Series title was. 

But John wasn't just a rock hero to me.  He was a revolutionary.  He was a revolution.  He made us rethink how we looked at the world; how we looked at civil rights, how we looked at women.  I believe that if he could have, he would have set all of humanity free.  

In some ways you did John.  You set us free by helping us remember how to think, and feel.  You set us free by toying with language.  You set us free with music.  And most of all, you showed us that human beings have the capacity to defeat their demons and change who they are, why they are, where they are, and how they are.  He wanted us to reimagine the world.

Today seems like the perfect day to do that.









07 December 2008

The Pampers Principle

One of my stalwart colleagues in the ongoing war against Planet Asshat is Diamond Tiger at Logistics Monster.  If LM is not on your regular rounds it should be due to lots of no nonsense analysis, with a nice touch of snark.

Yesterday she contacted me to tell me about a comment someone left on her blog.  I am a firm believer in the notion that people who want our world to no longer be occupied by the invasion forces of Planet Asshat should live by example.  This commenter has an excellent idea for living by Pampers' example, and I believe it should be embraced by all Americans so that we can be just like Pampers.  I call it the Pampers Principle.

Next time you move to another state and need a new driver’s license, try this: Refuse to produce the birth certificate or any other personal information required by the Department of Motor Vehicles. Just explain that a facsimile of the required document is posted on your website and give the clerk the domain name.
Tell them: “I’m following the example of President-elect Barack Obama. If he didn’t need to produce a birth certificate to establish his eligibility to be president of the United States, why would you require me to produce one to get a lousy driver’s license?”
See if it flies.
Yes, let us all embrace Pampers' example.  That's change you can deceive in!

Ch ch ch ch ch Changes...

There are going to be some changes to the look and feel of Oh...my valve!  over the next week or so.  You may have noticed a change to the banner.  Things will be a little clearer in a couple of days.  Do not fear, this blog will still be pointing out the inept, stupid, and small actions of the inhabitants of Planet Asshat with plenty of the snark, jibes, and sarcasm you've come to expect at this blog; it will just be more global in scale.  Why?  Because Americans aren't the only ones getting screwed.  And there are plenty of people more screwed than us.  So start packing your bags...the bus is going to be hitting the road.  All intrepid travelers will be welcome.  You may be asked to take a look at yourself and figure out what's really important to you.  You may feel jabbed at, or a sense of discomfort.  That's what happens when you step out of your comfort zone and challenge your own assumptions.  If we're doing our job properly here you will be doing that.  And hopefully still laughing your ass off.  Let's face it...it's better to rupture your spleen from laughing than it is to die of dehydration from crying all the time.

And as always, Obamabots are wholly and totally unwelcome until you publicly admit you were wrong about your savior and repent sincerely by agreeing to have yourself photographed at your place of employment, with your boss, wearing a dunce cap that clearly says, "DUNCE" in big bold letters, while holding a sign that says, "I am a big dummy for falling for Obama."  You must then post the photo on the internet and submit the link to the comments here so that you can be displayed in the Oh...my valve! Hall of Shame where the photo will remain displayed until the end of our continuing national nightmare the Shrub>Pampers Presidency.

If you choose to come here without following those steps you will be humiliated anyway.  But confession frees the soul.