It's the same in any lingo

בַּת-בָּבֶל, הַשְּׁדוּדָה: אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיְשַׁלֶּם-לָךְ-- אֶת-גְּמוּלֵךְ, שֶׁגָּמַלְתּ לָנוּ
אַשְׁרֵי שֶׁיֹּאחֵז וְנִפֵּץ אֶת-עֹלָלַיִךְ-- אֶל-הַסָּלַע


How can one be compelled to accept slavery? I simply refuse to do the master's bidding. He may torture me, break my bones to atoms and even kill me. He will then have my dead body, not my obedience. Ultimately, therefore, it is I who am the victor and not he, for he has failed in getting me to do what he wanted done. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? If not now, when? ~ Rav Hillel, Pirke Avot

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes

This Red Sea Pedestrian Stands against Judeophobes
Wear It With Pride

08 December 2008

Finally!

A response from the President-Select regarding the photo of Jon Favreau photo on Facebook of him groping the life-size Clinton cutout (you remember Favreau right?  he's the douche that puts the words in Pampers' mouth).  Oh wait, that's not a response...IT'S DEAFENING SILENCE!!!

Pampers reminds me of that Abba Eban quote about the Palestinians; They never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.  Just when he could redeem his sexist, misogynist self, Pampers has to go shoot hoops instead of being a man and taking care of business.

Fire the son of a bitch you pig.  What the hell is the matter with you?  This guy is really going to be your speech writer when you're Resident of the United States?  You're already as big a joke as the Shrub.  

And the national nightmare continues!

Listen to the Color of Your Dreams

Today marks the 28th anniversary of the slaying of John Lennon.  People talk about generational markers, points of significance, and how you relate to them.  "Where were you when JFK was assassinated?"  "Where were you when the Challenger exploded?"  For me the question is, "Where were you when John Lennon was killed?"

I was asleep.

My brother, who was already up getting ready for school, woke me saying, "Get up, John Lennon was shot.  He's dead."

My response was, of course, "Shut the fuck up."  He told me to turn on the radio.  It was true.  And so, another of my heroes shot dead in cold blood.  Fucking great.  There was only one other kid in my elementary school class who was as into music, and specifically the Beatles, as I was.  We wanted to stay home, but the death of a rock hero was not considered a sufficient excuse for staying home from school, but apparently the Phillies winning their first World Series title was. 

But John wasn't just a rock hero to me.  He was a revolutionary.  He was a revolution.  He made us rethink how we looked at the world; how we looked at civil rights, how we looked at women.  I believe that if he could have, he would have set all of humanity free.  

In some ways you did John.  You set us free by helping us remember how to think, and feel.  You set us free by toying with language.  You set us free with music.  And most of all, you showed us that human beings have the capacity to defeat their demons and change who they are, why they are, where they are, and how they are.  He wanted us to reimagine the world.

Today seems like the perfect day to do that.









07 December 2008

The Pampers Principle

One of my stalwart colleagues in the ongoing war against Planet Asshat is Diamond Tiger at Logistics Monster.  If LM is not on your regular rounds it should be due to lots of no nonsense analysis, with a nice touch of snark.

Yesterday she contacted me to tell me about a comment someone left on her blog.  I am a firm believer in the notion that people who want our world to no longer be occupied by the invasion forces of Planet Asshat should live by example.  This commenter has an excellent idea for living by Pampers' example, and I believe it should be embraced by all Americans so that we can be just like Pampers.  I call it the Pampers Principle.

Next time you move to another state and need a new driver’s license, try this: Refuse to produce the birth certificate or any other personal information required by the Department of Motor Vehicles. Just explain that a facsimile of the required document is posted on your website and give the clerk the domain name.
Tell them: “I’m following the example of President-elect Barack Obama. If he didn’t need to produce a birth certificate to establish his eligibility to be president of the United States, why would you require me to produce one to get a lousy driver’s license?”
See if it flies.
Yes, let us all embrace Pampers' example.  That's change you can deceive in!

Ch ch ch ch ch Changes...

There are going to be some changes to the look and feel of Oh...my valve!  over the next week or so.  You may have noticed a change to the banner.  Things will be a little clearer in a couple of days.  Do not fear, this blog will still be pointing out the inept, stupid, and small actions of the inhabitants of Planet Asshat with plenty of the snark, jibes, and sarcasm you've come to expect at this blog; it will just be more global in scale.  Why?  Because Americans aren't the only ones getting screwed.  And there are plenty of people more screwed than us.  So start packing your bags...the bus is going to be hitting the road.  All intrepid travelers will be welcome.  You may be asked to take a look at yourself and figure out what's really important to you.  You may feel jabbed at, or a sense of discomfort.  That's what happens when you step out of your comfort zone and challenge your own assumptions.  If we're doing our job properly here you will be doing that.  And hopefully still laughing your ass off.  Let's face it...it's better to rupture your spleen from laughing than it is to die of dehydration from crying all the time.

And as always, Obamabots are wholly and totally unwelcome until you publicly admit you were wrong about your savior and repent sincerely by agreeing to have yourself photographed at your place of employment, with your boss, wearing a dunce cap that clearly says, "DUNCE" in big bold letters, while holding a sign that says, "I am a big dummy for falling for Obama."  You must then post the photo on the internet and submit the link to the comments here so that you can be displayed in the Oh...my valve! Hall of Shame where the photo will remain displayed until the end of our continuing national nightmare the Shrub>Pampers Presidency.

If you choose to come here without following those steps you will be humiliated anyway.  But confession frees the soul.

05 December 2008

News Flash!

Get the latest news I feel like making up!  Loins are girded!  Be afraid...be very afraid!


Governor Patterson, Do the Right Thing

madamab, over at Oooh...nuance is circulating an online petition urging Governor Patterson of New York to appoint a woman to replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate when she moves into her office at Foggy Bottom to assume her role as Secretary of State.

Seems like we're thinking along the same lines madamab.  While there was much ado about Big Dawg replacing his wife in the Senate, a daft notion at best, it came as no surprise that the MSM was not even thinking about Patterson picking a woman.  There are currently only 17 women serving in the Senate, a ridiculous notion considering that more than half the United States is populated by women.

Gov. P, do the right thing and fill Senator Clinton's seat with a strong, intelligent woman with a strong record of serving the state of New York.  Madamab has put forward the name of Carolyn Maloney, who has been serving New York's 14th District since 1992.  Good call madamab!

So don't be stupid, be a smarty...sign the petition, and let Governor Patterson know that the number of Senatorial women should stay and 17...for now...and then grow higher.

03 December 2008

The Trouble With Baobabs


After much trial, as the little prince was so busy asking questions of his own, the misanthropic pilot finally learns why the little prince is in need of a sheep.  Apparently, the asteroid on which he calls home is infected with the seeds of baobabs:
"Now there were some terrible seeds on the planet that was the home of the little prince; and these were the seeds of the baobab. The soil of that planet was infested with them. A baobab is something you will never, never be able to get rid of if you attend to it too late. It spreads over the entire planet. It bores clear through it with its roots. And if the planet is too small, and the baobabs are too many, they split it in pieces..."
"It is a question of discipline," the little prince said to me later on. "When you've finished your own toilet in the morning, then it is time to attend to the toilet of your planet, just so, with the greatest care. You must see to it that you pull up regularly all the baobabs, at the very first moment when they can be distinguished from the rosebushes which they resemble so closely in their earliest youth. It is very tedious work," the little prince added, "but very easy."



In a situation like that, I can certainly see why the little prince could benefit from having a sheep in a box.

Oh, if only we had been tending to our baobabs as diligently as the little prince suggests.  Think about the problems we face now.  Not one, but two corrupt political parties, each one more worthless than the other; a President-select who, with the aid of his corrupt party, violated all the rules of the social contract in order to secure his power, a man whose only consistency is to speak out of both sides of his face; a federal government that has been flagrantly operating in violation of the Constitution for years, without so much as a peep from the nation's sheep.  And for all of the shouting, railing, and protesting by PUMAs in 2008, the best we can expect is to be watchful for the baobabs that sprout up now, removing them from the soil as quickly as possible, before they grow too large and rip us apart (start praying to whatever higher power you believe or don't believe in that it isn't too late).  And that's not even talking about the sad state our planet is in at the moment.

But not all hope is lost.  Even this misanthropic pilot holds out on hope; the hope that out there are those who can make good use of the sheep in the box, and who think beyond their own toilet.  I know you're out there.  You're a PUMA.  You're a member of Team Sarah.  You're awake and pacing the floor, stomping your feet, and shouting at the sky.  You're a child who does not yet know how to ask.  I know you're out there.  For you people I will be writing next on tending to the rosesbushes.

By the way, the illustrations for my Little Prince series were all done by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.  I have lifted them, and the text I am using, from the Janusz Korczak Communications Website.  I do not have permission, nor have I sought it, and will plead to any and all those who seek to rend from me what little I have in this world for violations of any copyright that might be held, that you keep in mind that the little prince is not of this world.  He belongs to the universe, and I do not doubt that Monsieur de Saint-Exupery would feel the same.  And I'm not making one frickin' dime off this blog.  Should this situation change, and a deranged benefactor wishes to publish a book from the fount of wisdom that is my blog, I shall honor and seek to uphold any and all copyrights.

02 December 2008

I'm Being Swallowed by a Boa Constrictor

Thank you to all who participated in today’s test. It appears that the majority voted that the hat is tan. However, this is not correct. 


Ça ne représente pas un chapeau.  This is not a picture of a hat.

 C’est un boa constricteur qui digérerait un éléphant.  This is a boa constrictor who is digesting an elephant (Extra brownie points de crédit pour le lecteur qui a répondu en français).  Please don't be impressed with my French.  I can read it, and translate some, but under pressure I might be able to ask, "Where is the boulangerie?"  My teachers did say I have excellent pronunciation though.



These are the childhood drawings of our misanthropic pilot who later used them to test adults. 
"Whenever I met one of them who seemed to me at all clear-sighted, I tried the experiment of showing him my Drawing Number One, which I have always kept. I would try to find out, so, if this was a person of true understanding. But, whoever it was, he, or she, would always say: "That is a hat." Then I would never talk to that person about boa constrictors, or primeval forests, or stars. I would bring myself down to his level. I would talk to him about bridge, and golf, and politics, and neckties. And the grown-up would be greatly pleased to have met such a sensible man."
You might protest and say that I asked a trick question. But it is not a trick question at all. If you answered the survey by choosing a color, you most likely did so because you believed me when I said the picture was of a hat. That’s your fault, not mine.  Just because I say the drawing is of a hat, which in reality I did not, does not make it so.

The fact is we are being tricked every day. We are tricked into buying things. We are tricked into believing we need certain things. We are tricked into thinking that things are supposed to be a certain way.  We believe what people tell us, and what teachers teach, without so much as cocking our heads and saying, "What the hell are you talking about?"

I didn't trick you.  You tricked yourself.  The mind is trained to believe.  Skepticism is learned.  I asked what color is the hat?  Chances are you looked at the color and didn't even think to question whether it was a hat or not.  You are not stupid.  But chances are you are probably an adult.

I spend a lot of time with kids who are young enough that their brains are not prejudiced regarding the information they take in.  Let's take magnets for instance.  If you take two round refrigerator magnets, the kind with the large hole in the middle, and slide them both onto a pencil, with the same poles facing each other you probably know that they will not touch.  If I asked you why you might give me an explanation about reverse polarity, magnetic fields, or some other scientific gobbledeegoop.  

Show that to a young child and ask them why they think the magnets aren't touching.  They might say, "Magic," and they'd be correct.  They might just stare in amazement, trying to figure out the mystery, looking at the magnets.  They might want to take the pencil and the magnet from you and experiment and try and figure it out.

Between the adult who gives the gobbledeegoop and the child who is in wonder, who would you rather spend your time with?

The world is throwing information at you all the time and wants you to believe that the boa constrictors digesting elephants are really hats.

Are we really being tricked, or is it that we are only fooling ourselves? Is the real truth that we want to be fooled? Is the real truth that we want to avoid reality because it’s too ugly, too painful, too real?  The brain is trained to recognize things it’s encountered before to be the same. We pass over such things and dismiss them as hats when they are really boa constrictors digesting elephants. 

But I think, deep in their hearts, people want to believe. They really do. How else to explain Pampers? He didn’t gain his devoted following simply because the media and the DNC shoved him down our throats. If the hearts of Americans were not dying for what the Pampers brand was said to have represented (some of us were smart enough to realize that Pampers is a hat, not a boa constrictor digesting an elephant), there would not have been the almost slavish response to the marketing. People want to have hope. People want to see change. And it is only the most crass, heartless bastards that take advantage of that for their own personal gain, and then leave the believers on the side of the road even more bankrupt than they were before (and if you are one of these people and think that's not what's already happening, get back to me in four years and tell me how you feel).

So what do we do about this? If we are faced with tricks on a daily basis, and our brains are always being fooled, what do we do? How do we break the cycle? We have to learn to have critical minds. We need to understand who we are, and what our needs are so that we don’t get fooled into accepting imitations, fooled into accepting that which we don’t need. We need to think outside the box…well, really inside the box, like the Little Prince.

The Little Prince requires a sheep.  The misanthropic pilot thinks to himself that he cannot draw as he was discouraged from doing so after adults failed to see the elephant being digested by the boa constrictor.  Now his head is filled with arithmetic, geography, history and such, so he tells the Little Prince that he cannot draw a sheep.  The Little Prince says, "That doesn't matter.  Draw me a sheep..."

After 3 attempts produce sheep that do not meet the Little Prince's needs, the pilot draws a box. 


He explains to the Little Prince that the sheep is inside.  "That's exactly the way I wanted it!" he exclaims.

Is the pilot fooling the Little Prince?  Hardly.  The Little Prince knows what he needs.It’s perfect for him. 

Can you see it? 

If you want to stop being fooled you’re going to have to learn how to see the sheep inside the box. You’re going to have to think back to when your mind was purer, when it wasn’t trained into being tricked. When you knew what you wanted and needed.

Ken Kesey said that we should be living our lives like we were starring in our own movies. You are the director. You cast the actors. You use chiaroscuro to fashion mood. You can do one of two things with your star power. You can trick people, or give them something real. You can give them the perfect sheep inside of the box. And if they are real too, they will thank you, and take excellent care of it.


01 December 2008

A Test


Look at this picture, then answer the poll question to the right.

If you have a comment about the poll question, please leave one.

A Book at Bedtime


One of my favorite books is without doubt The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.   It is poignant, and hilarious.  It also gives one license to say the name Antoine de Saint-Exupery which, if you ever took high school French, you know to be one of the greatest names to say on the planet.  It is also chocked full of little reminders such as:
"Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."
and
"In the course of this life I have had a great many encounters with a great many people who have been concerned with matters of consequence. I have lived a great deal among grown-ups. I have seen them intimately, close at hand. And that hasn't much improved my opinion of them."
Yep.

And so, much to the potential consternation of a dear friend in the mountains, I will be sharing some of my favorite tidbits and pearls of wisdom from our misanthropic pilot and the little blond guy from outer space.  

It's reality check time.