25 October 2018
Golden Douchey Award
It’s been years since the last Golden Douchey Award was given. For those of you who are new to the Valve, the Golden Douchey is awarded to someone who really puts the Douche in Douchiness. This week’s recipient has risen to such high levels of doucheosity that I am simply giddy.
This week’s winner is none other than New York’s Lord Emperor of Douchylvania...
ANDREW CUOMO!!!
Still fresh from his douchey comment that America would never be great until women were allowed to express their full potential, afterwhich he hypocritically defeated Cynthia Nixon, failing to drop out of the primary so she could claim victory...Cuomo exceeded himself when it was revealed that contrary to his freak, the NYPD reported that he was not the victim of a fake bomb delivery. No doubt his fragile male ego felt flaccid as no one considered him worthy enough to even receive one fake bomb delivery while Maxine I Need a Lobotomy Waters got two.
Sorry gov, you’re a two time loser...but a one time winner of this week’s Golden Douchey!
Mazal tov!
23 October 2018
Shut Up, Pampers!
As I predicted when the little narcissist who couldn't left office in 2017, Juan Peron Lincoln Jr Jr just can't stay out of the spotlight. His constant need for attention and adulation brought him to Nevada, presumably to stump for Democrat candidates (true to presidential form, in a recent 64 minute speech he referred to himself 102 times, and 92 times in a 30 minute speech). Of course he couldn't open his fart portal without attempting to take credit for the current economy, a lie no one really believes (apart from those who received a lifetime supply of Barry's Magical Hypnotic Unicorn Fartdust), no matter how many times he says it, in addition to repeating his claim for the longest streak of job creation ever...a fib debunked by NPR quite some time ago.
This is the same idiot who seemingly forgot saying we all had to get used to an economy that would never exceed 2% growth again. Ass.
The reality is that, for the most part, presidents don't have much effect over the economy. However, there is no mistaking the almost immediate response the economy and business sector showed when regulations were slashed, the corporate tax rate was lowered, and Americans got a little tax relief. Consumer confidence drives an economy. The only sector that showed any significant growth under Pampers was Wall Street...and we all know how that goes.
The great thing about Pampers' narcissism is that, despite his being out of office, I can still write about how he is still an unparalleled asshat.
Thanks, Bombom!
22 October 2018
Welcome to the Grand Confusion
Let’s have a contest. A delusional loony contest. Who is more deluded...Jews who slavishly vote for and support democrats, or minority weasel and ultimate court Jew Chuck Schumer?
Frankly, it's a tie. Jewish democrats (those who care about being Jewish and are not in league with antisemites, like certified public idiot Bernie Panders who, if he isn't inserting his tongue into Cornell West's gap teeth or trying to slip his fingers under Linda Sosour's hijab, is wishing he could sew his foreskin back on) who actually believe there is room for them in Louis Farrakhan's little tent of racism...make no mistake...he is the head of the Democrat Party...just ask its misogynist Jew hating toady cochair Keith Farrakhan Jr Jr Ellison and the entire Congressional Black Caucus...have a disease of the mind that wouldn't be cured if expresident Hopeydope Slackula were shoving them onto trains with his hopeychangey hands.
And in the stupid corner, wearing a bedazzled dunce cap bearing the legend, "pathetic Jew toady idiot" is Chuck Schumer. The same Chuck Schumer who was accused by the expresident Little Lord Fraudleroy of having duel loyalties when he stood up against the Iran Nuclear Guarantee deal...that Rachel Madcow still insists prevents Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons (honestly how anyone, even if they blaze with a red hot anger over Lord Orange Julius that could melt carbon fiber, believes that she, or anyone at her network, could match the intellectual capacity of an empty packet of crisps, escapes me). The blatant Jew hate of Little Barry's administration, and its full throated acceptance by his party doesn't seem to phase Schumer at all...that's how in love he is with his power. If Pampers called him and said, "Hey Chuck, it's Barry. I want you to drive a busload of Jews off a cliff," he'd ask, "How fast ya wants me to drive it, Sahib?" Which is why it comes as no surprise that Schumer publicly insists that his party of Jew haters still fully supports Israel, when we all saw at the 2012 convention, and long before, that this couldn't possibly be more untrue.
PS...anyone got a tally of how many elected Democrats who used to support moving the embassy to Jerusalem decided to object to Numpty actually doing it?
Just curious.
PPS, any Jew supporting the candidacy of Cory Spartuchus Booker should get in line for their bris reversal behind Bernie.
Frankly, it's a tie. Jewish democrats (those who care about being Jewish and are not in league with antisemites, like certified public idiot Bernie Panders who, if he isn't inserting his tongue into Cornell West's gap teeth or trying to slip his fingers under Linda Sosour's hijab, is wishing he could sew his foreskin back on) who actually believe there is room for them in Louis Farrakhan's little tent of racism...make no mistake...he is the head of the Democrat Party...just ask its misogynist Jew hating toady cochair Keith Farrakhan Jr Jr Ellison and the entire Congressional Black Caucus...have a disease of the mind that wouldn't be cured if expresident Hopeydope Slackula were shoving them onto trains with his hopeychangey hands.
And in the stupid corner, wearing a bedazzled dunce cap bearing the legend, "pathetic Jew toady idiot" is Chuck Schumer. The same Chuck Schumer who was accused by the expresident Little Lord Fraudleroy of having duel loyalties when he stood up against the Iran Nuclear Guarantee deal...that Rachel Madcow still insists prevents Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons (honestly how anyone, even if they blaze with a red hot anger over Lord Orange Julius that could melt carbon fiber, believes that she, or anyone at her network, could match the intellectual capacity of an empty packet of crisps, escapes me). The blatant Jew hate of Little Barry's administration, and its full throated acceptance by his party doesn't seem to phase Schumer at all...that's how in love he is with his power. If Pampers called him and said, "Hey Chuck, it's Barry. I want you to drive a busload of Jews off a cliff," he'd ask, "How fast ya wants me to drive it, Sahib?" Which is why it comes as no surprise that Schumer publicly insists that his party of Jew haters still fully supports Israel, when we all saw at the 2012 convention, and long before, that this couldn't possibly be more untrue.
PS...anyone got a tally of how many elected Democrats who used to support moving the embassy to Jerusalem decided to object to Numpty actually doing it?
Just curious.
PPS, any Jew supporting the candidacy of Cory Spartuchus Booker should get in line for their bris reversal behind Bernie.
21 October 2018
Spare Me The Sanctimonious Human Rights Handwringing Over Jamal Khashoggi
We have ignored Chinese atrocities in Tibet, its imprisonment of dissidents and journalists, and its generally repulsive human rights record for decades. In fact, on her first mission as Secretary of State, Hillary Pay to Play Clinton was sent to China by the previous president to deliver the message that the United States will gladly ignore China’s abuses as long as it continued to finance America’s debt.
In the wake of a coup attempt, Recep Erdogan’s purging of journalists actually put Turkey in the number 1 slot of journalist imprisonments over China. The response from the previous president was to, according to senior administration officials as reported by the New York Times, to give Erdogan a “shout out” for surviving the coup attempt against the most repressive anti democratic leader in Turkey in my lifetime. Maybe it was their common hatred of Israel that kept their friendship alive...🤔
Iran’s mullahs run an oppressive theocracy that beats and incarcerates women for violating their medieval decency laws, and publicly hangs homosexuals from construction cranes. In spite of this, the previous president was lauded, praised and extolled for cozying up to Iran, giving it permission to develop nuclear weapons in a deal that everyone swears prevents Iran from having nuclear weapons...despite the reality that the exact opposite is true...terminating economic sanctions, and clandestinely flying over a billion dollars in cash to finance their terror operations in Gaza, Lebanon, and Syria.
Saudi Arabia has been a medieval backwater of repression for decades. In spite of this we buy its oil and kiss its rear. The previous president bowed down before its king, and made not one word of protest when this gross violator of human rights was made head of the UN Human Rights Council (in contrast to outgoing UN ambassador Nikki Haley whose repeated admonishment of the UN’s ignoring of human rights violations by the ranking members of the UNHRC is unprecedented). In fact, when it first came out that Saudi Arabia was poised to head the UNHRC, the Barry State Department was reported in the Washington Post as saying they would “welcome it.” Further, the relationship with the Saudis was seen by the previous administration as worth preserving enough for the president to fly there to kiss their tuchus, despite their unrelenting bombing of civilians in Yemen, when the Saudis became distressed about the president’s support of Iran, and its lack of action in Syria and against ISIS.
So forgive me if I find all the handwringing about Jamal Khashoggi being murdered...in Turkey...as a bunch of disingenuous posing designed to inflame the populace against the president (who has strengthened ties with the Saudis as part of the administration policy of isolating Iran as opposed to holding it up) leading up to the midterms. Numpty is president and suddenly everyone cares about human rights. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so pathetic.
In fact both the White House and the EU have expressed incredulity toward the Saudi tall tales regarding the Khashoggi murder...which now apparently is being couched as a slap fight gone wrong and ending with his corpse being wrapped in a carpet and being removed from the consulate while a Saudi agent left the building wearing his clothes to make it look like he was still alive.
The White House is said to be considering sanctions against Saudi Arabia...I’m not holding my breath.
It would be nice if we didn’t live in a world where ignoring human rights violations was the price of business. Perhaps one day we will get there. But let’s not kid ourselves that the fourth estate gives one crap about human rights. It only cares about enabling the dictators it favors. And like clapping seals, the populace plays along and dances on their strings like Pavlov’s dogs.
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