Sods and Odds: Glen, Gilad, Newt, Pampers, and Occupy My Bathroom

Thought it was about time to dust off this beast. A lot has happened since I happened here last. Life in real space has always been, and will always be more important than cyberspace...let's hope so at least...so I've been tending to that, doing what I do, and what I have to do.

There's a lot to catch up on so let's make this meal last a few courses, shall we?

Item #1: Glen Beck.

There was a lot of hullaballoo over his trip to Israel for his little pep rally at Har HaBayit. The Jewish community has been wondering, "Was it good bad or ugly?" It was sad is what it was. You see, Glen has a problem. He's a reader of scripture. He's also a Mormon, which is a bit of a handicap. If you haven't read their stuff you should...it's out there...sorta like Carlos Castaneda meets Eli Sunday from "There Will Be Blood," and their both on acid. Now Glen, being a spiritual man has a crisis on his hands. If I'm reading his tea leaves correctly he is convinced that the future spiritual security for himself, and everyone else who is not a Jew, is to get on the side of Am Yisrael, because that's what G-d wants. He's right. But he's got a big problem.

His problem is that he is an avowed member of a religious denomination that has embarked on a campaign to posthumously baptize Jewish victims of the Holocaust so they can be posthumously saved by posthumous Yeshki. So what's the problem? There are many categories of chilul HaShem, the desecration of G-d's name. Baptizing the dead (we can debate the lunacy of such a concept another time) of His people who were tortured and brutally murdered is probably up there in higher echelons of no-nos. Last time I checked, ol' Glen hasn't said a word against this practice publicly on his show on anywhere else...please correct me if I'm wrong.

One of the things my people is big on is the silence of those who stand idly by wrongdoing. It's why all of us were ultimately held liable at Har Sinai for the sin of the egel zahav (the golden calf)...too many of us kept silent while that chilul HaShem was taking place. So for all his posturing to get himself primed for his day of judgement, Glen is still very likely going to be found among the guilty.

The non-Jew has seven mitzvahs to keep in order to keep it real. These are the seven Noachide laws, the seven mitzvahs that were given to all people after the Flood. These guys are pretty easy:

1. No murder
2. No theft
3. No sexual immorality (Okay, this is a tough one...even priests can't seem to keep it zipped)
4. No idolatry
5. Prohibition against blaspheming the Name of G-d
6. No eating the flesh of a still living animal
7. Establish courts of law

So for those of you goyim out there who are on Glen's ride to get right with the Jews and the G-d of Israel, observing those seven mitzvahs will go a lot farther than say going to a Glen Beck rally. And be good to your local Jew. Anybody who starts the day at night has got have it goin' on.

Item #2: Gilad Shalit

Gilad Shalit was finally brought home after nearly 2000 days of captivity at the hands of the butchering murderers of Hamas. Klal Yisrael is surely grateful to HaShem for freeing the captive soldier, but our joy cannot, and will not be complete until his captors, and all the murderers who were released in exchange for this one Jewish life, are destroyed. HaKadosh Borachu may not rejoice at the destruction of His creation, even when they are enemies of Am Yisrael, but we surely will.

We not only thank HaShem for Gilad’s freedom, we petition Him to exact His vengeance against the Amalekite dogs that mock and desecrate His Name. Not for our sakes, as we are unworthy, but for the sakes of those who gave their lives in sanctification of His holy name; those who perished in fire and water; who were tortured; who died in captivity rather than renounce their allegiance to the G-d of Israel. In their memory, may HaShem strike at the dogs, which murdered Jews in cold blood, which literally tore the body of an army reservist to pieces, who murdered innocent women and children in restaurants, cars, and buses.

Make no mistake; we are all relieved that Gilad is home. But if a single Jew, chas v’shalom, is murdered by one of the animals traded for his life, then the government of Israel, from the Prime Minister on down, is guilty of that murder. The government of Israel did not exhaust its options in securing Gilad’s release. It bargained with, and caved to animals. Now every man, woman, and child in Israel is at greater risk from kidnapping and murder. Because the government of Israel does not know Torah, it has confused one Torah value for another. The value of the life of our captives is immeasurable. This does not mean however that we put all of Israel at risk by caving to the demands of our enemies.

May Gilad know a full and speedy recovery from all his wounds, physical, mental, and emotional, and may his captors, and murderers that were released, suffer measure for measure for their crimes against him, and Israel.

Item #3: Newt

Is he kissing American Jewish tuchus? Yes. Does he mean it? How could you tell? But it was refreshing to hear a presidential candidate finally deliver the unvarnished truth to the world: There is no such thing as a Palestinian people, and there was never a nation called Palestine. The truth shall set you free. G-d willing it will set Israel free too. I don't know if he'll get nominated or not. I'd just like to see where this sudden release of the facts into the public domain will go.

Item #4: Occupy Wall Street:

What a fantastic assortment of useful idiots. For the anarchists who want a job I say this...you probably should have thought of that before you covered your bodies in tattoos and piercings. If you haven't managed to find gainful employment at your local tattoo parlor, you're pretty much screwed...unless you occupy my bathroom.

That's right all you disgruntled generation whatever their calling you-ers...you can earn pennies a day if you OCCUPY MY BATHROOM!

Sleep in my tub and earn your keep by keeping my bathroom scrubby clean. Just don't let me see you when I go in to take a dump, shower, or exfoliate. In fact, the only evidence of your presence I want is that my bathroom is free from even the smallest microscopic schmutz particle.

For those of you legitimately looking for work without whining: Best of luck to you. I know you're out there amongst the b.o.

Item #5: Pampers

You know I couldn't do a catch up post without writing about pResident Little Lord Fraudleroy. All I have to say is that by now everyone knows he's a dingdong, except for himself, and the idiots I see on the road with Pampers 2012 stickers on their cars. I'm just gonna say it...you people are stupid saps.

So that's the round up. Enjoy the rest of the year. My advice to you is to invest in whatever you think the 2012 end of the worlders might be interested in buying...coffins, tinfoil, Masked Avenger secret decoder rings, whatever. You should be able to sell them at a huge markup come next November.

I won't be here that much. I think I'm going to resuscitate my other blog. Stay tuned. And if you're still out there my darling Lady of the Apocalypse, free you ass and your mind will follow.