I'm Not That Pesky Landshark

The dreaded Zionist Entity that most of you know as Israel has been accused of a number of bizarre things over the years...many of these accusations involving animals.

• Releasing wild boars to destroy Arab crops (who would have thought you could train a boar to know the difference between a Jewish and Arab farm? Maybe Arab crops wear kafias?)
• The training of Vicious Attack Snakes
• The marketing and distribution of Sex Gum that made Arab teens horny (forget the raging hormones and sheer boredom) and...my personal favorite...
• THE SUPER RATS OF JERUSALEM...yes the Super Rats of Jerusalem...able to breed and produce rats at four times the normal rate! Unafraid of Arab cats! Able to discern the difference between Arabs and Jews (again...it must be the kafias)! The power of flight! Is there nothing the super rats of Jerusalem cannot do? Well, if they're supposed to be driving the Arabs out of Jerusalem they're not doing such a great job...

But there is one thing that the SUPER RATS OF JERUSALEM can't do...swim and eat Egyptian tourists...which is why an Egyptian official is accusing the Mossad of releasing a shark into the waters near Sharm al-Sheikh.

Yes, you read that correctly. Egypt's governor of Southern Sinai stated:

“We must not discount the possibility that Mossad threw the shark into the sea, in order to attack tourists who are having fun in Sharm al-Sheikh. Mossad is trying to hurt Egyptian tourism in any way possible, and the shark is one way for it to realize its plan.”

Apparently four Russian tourists were attacked by sharks near the resort town. Maybe sharks are attracted to vodka, in addition to blood. Where is Jacques Cousteau when you need him? Heck, I'd take Steve Zissou...



Yes, with all of the intelligence gathering and other cool spy stuff Mossad is involved in, they are apparently making the destroying of Egyptian tourism a priority...makes sense. Once again I find myself wondering how it is that these people have managed to maintain something as intricate as a country as long as they have...oh wait...they are either rolling in oil money or propped up by foreign governments...or both...my bad.

I can honestly say I haven't heard anything this insipidly stupid since the last time Mahmoud Abbas opened his fat stupid mouth...what time is it?

Never mind that sharks inhabit the Red Sea and occasionally, though rarely, attack people...if Egyptian tourists are being mauled in shark attacks it must be the Jews' fault. This is why Israel gave up Sinai?

In response the Egyptians have killed not one, but two sharks. But I thought Mossad only released one shark. What gives? Maybe Egyptians can't count. That would be in line with the whole Egyptian election fraud thing I guess. No one seems to be able to count the ballots properly because I'm pretty sure that I won those elections. Oh well. What's important is that after killing the two sharks the Egyptians have lifted the ban on swimming.

One of the sharks killed by the Egyptian idiots was an endangered white tip shark. Shark advocate Thomas Hopkins gives an alternative explanation to the Mossad Shark Theory:

We have seen in the past few years massive troubles with more sharks coming closer to the shores in Egypt. What is happening is that a lot of the marine life and fish sharks used to eat have migrated away from areas and sharks are resorting to the next best catch around and that is human flesh.

Makes sense to me, which is why no Egyptian officials thought of it.

Hopkins went on to say that killing the sharks would not solve the problem and that Egypt might want to reevaluate its environmental policy regarding the Red Sea. He did not suggest Egypt blame the Mossad. Maybe Hopkins works for Israeli Intelligence.