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The big argument currently oozing over the pustulant, scabby, malodorous dung heap that is the 2008 Presidential Election is, "What the fuck do we do about the Michigan and Florida delegates?"

The plot thickens.  The evil Clintons, and their minions, are poised once again to wreak havoc upon the unsuspecting populace; cracking their heads open and feasting on their protein rich brain matter in their conquest for absolute dominance of planet earth!!!!!!  Is there no one who can stop them??????

Look there!  What is that yonder beacon shattering the darkness as if it was wielded by the gods of Olympus themselves?  It is our savior, our liberator, the enlivener of all our dreams...Barack Obama?

Yes...Barack Obama!  Using his magical power of perfectionation he is able to destroy the Clinton oppressors and save us from all the evils of the world.  With his incredible cliche ray he can enslave your mind and appear as anyone in American history (specializing in JFK RFK MLK KGB Ghandi & Thomas Jefferson).  Not since Ronald Reagan have the American people been so mesmerized so mind numbingly well as they are by The Obamanator...Obama Man--and his legion of Obamamites.  Speeding through the very fabric of the time/space continuum; hangin' ten from the golden lights that radiate from his all powerful cranium-- his naive minions, still high from their first year of beer bongs at college chant YES IS YES YES IS YES!!! and enlist their unwitting parents with stories of remember the greatest President of all time, JFK?  Well he's back...but now he's black!

The magical legions of fairy dust simply cannot allow the people of Michigan and Florida have their say....because that would be breaking the sacrosanct rules of the Democratic Party (and because...OBAMA LOST).

That's right butt wipes...these idiots who call themselves upright Americans with their lapel pins, or not wearing their lapel pins because I'm not gonna do it because my heart explodes like a cannon for America so I don't need to wear a lapel pin so there! decided that the delegates from those states would be stripped because Florida and Michigan moved up the dates of their primaries.  You do realize that the people who have the most influence over our choices for who is going to be the next President of the United States are behaving developmentally appropriate for someone who is.............4 years old!  You changed the date and broke the rules now you can't play and have to sit in the corner!  Are you fucking kidding me?

Then the candidates pledged their word bond that they to would agree to deny the citizens of Michigan and Florida their franchise.  

BUT IT WAS NOT SO ASSHOLES!!!

The people were undaunted, and set out to show their leaders that they want their votes to count; that they will not be denied and lied to again.  In Florida, they turned out in record numbers to vote, knowing full well that their delegates were not going to count.  

Obama supporters were egging each other on to vote "Present" in Michigan in an attempt to get more votes for "Present" than for Hillary Clinton.  But Hillary kicked ass in Michigan and slew her foes with the a flaming iron hand that we sexily call the Sweet Mother of Justice.

And she reigned supreme in Florida where Obama Man was obliterated off the face of the earth by Jewish retirees in support hose on their way to the early bird special.  

Now the Clintons say the delegates must be seated!

Obama cries FOUL YOU HARLOT!!!  Thou hast pledged on tablets of stone by your own blood that the people of Michigan and Florida would be denied their voice!!!

I know....BUT I WON THOSE STATES!!!!

But wait, who is that lanky gentleman shredding the webs of oxymorons why it's...Thomas Jefferson!!!

YES IT IS I THOMAS JEFFERSON, AND I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!!  YOU'VE FUCKED EVERYTHING UP YOU DUMMIES!!!  YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY PEOPLE'S VOTES BECAUSE OF YOUR MESHUGINA RULES!!!  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT...ADAMS WAS RIGHT...THE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!!!

Tonight the Cheese Heads will go to the polls and vote.  Hillary, I hope you can pull it out.  Otherwise we might see Chris Matthews cream himself on live television and, quite frankly, I don't want see that.

Will the delegates be seated?  Will Obama Man destroy the Clintons forever with his duplicitous death ray?  Will Hillary be the new Comeback Kid?  Or will they eat each other's brains, leaving the nomination to a Kapuchin Monkey?  For answers to these burning questions and more stay tuned to Grizzly Election Puss Theater! 

Idiot Wind

So I've been spending a lot of time (frankly too much time) reading some of the political blogs being generated by some of the news outlets, particularly msnbc's Firstread.  Now it probably won't come as a shock to anyone that I think that the American electorate is largely a bunch of knee jerk idiots who will believe whatever they are told.  But I had no idea that so many are just plain stupid.

The insipid comments that I read on a daily basis make me wonder how these people managed to get themselves registered to vote (and I'm sure plenty are not).  If literacy tests were still used I would venture to guess that more than 50% would be ineligible.  Here's an example.

Since Barack Obama has been running around the country in his traveling snake oil show telling Americans that he doesn't take money from lobbyists I found it very interesting to read an article from the LA Times that he's actually lying about that.  I decided to post a link to the article on a few separate entries to do my part to wake people up to the Obama myth.  This one was on the subject of John Edwards cancelling his meeting today with Barack Obama.  I stated that he probably didn't want to meet with someone who lies about taking lobbyist money.  I then posted the link to the article  

http://www.commondreams.org/archive/2007/04/22/681/

Later in the thread I got the following reply: "So Obama is responsible for what his NON-lobbyist donors otherwise do with their money?  So if one of Hillary's donors murder someone, she is a party to murder, right?  I see you display the same keen logic of many other Hillary supporters...Run along now, I think it's your nappy time."

This was written by a genious named Steve from Albuquerque.  I will now post here what msnbc won't let me post there.

Steve you are a fucking idiot who obviously did not read the article.  Saying you don't take money from lobbyists while you take it from their wives, their law firms, and the corporations they represent is not change.  It's deceptive and speaks to the kind of ethical system that Mr. Obama operates under; a system that tells him that it's okay to lie to the American people in order to take advantage of their disillusionment with government.  You are so high on the Obama Kool-aid it's a wonder you even know how to breathe.  I suppose that shady ethics and lies are okay by you since they are okay with Obama.  It's morons such as yourself that make me feel that parents should have to take a test to determine whether or not they should be allowed to reproduce.  You sir, are the perfect reason why abortion should remain safe and legal.  Do America a favor you sycophantic ass wipe; don't post on the internet until the acid wears off.

Quite frankly I think I should contact Governor Richardson's office and suggest that Steve be deported to say Sweden.  I like how he automatically assumed that I'm a Clinton supporter because I posted something truthful about the golden god of change.  I'm a Richardson supporter you asshole!

If Steve is an example of the youth and new voters Obama is attracting then I'm seriously thinking we need to reconsider the voting age.  We live in a nation of morons.

Up Yours Bellicheat!

That's right folks, there is such a thing as karma, and it ran over the New England Patriots last night in what was, in my opinion, the greatest Super Bowl game ever, and the greatest upset in sports since the USA hockey team won the gold at Lake Placid in 1980.  The only way I could possibly be happier is if it had been my Eagles winning last night.  

When the story broke back in September that the Patriots had taped the Jets' defensive signals I thought Bill Bellicheat should have been suspended for the season, and the Pats stripped of the win.  In an age where cheating is condoned in American professional sports (at least if you play Major League Baseball) it didn't really surprise me that the win stood, but in my mind they were not 18-0 going into the Super Bowl.  And after the way the Giants played them in the regular season closer I knew that they had a real chance.  On our way home from picking up Super Bowl takeout I explained to my girlfriend my "keys to the game."  The Giants had to do 3 things: 1) The offensive line had to protect Eli Manning.  He's not much of an out of pocket player so they needed to give him time to pass.  2)  Isolate Randy Moss  3)  Blitz blitz blitz and put pretty boy Brady on his ass.  The Giants did all three and guess what?  They won the Super Bowl.  I am the man.

Sports loves and hates a dynasty, but I hate the Patriots.  I thought it was great when they upset the Rams, but after that it was enough already.  Brady and Bellicheat are spoiled arrogant babies who waaaaah when they don't get their way.  Running up scores and cheating are not the hallmarks of a great NFL dynasty like say the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Green Bay Packers.  They are the hallmarks of a team that I want to see lose, and hope that they never play in the Super Bowl again under Pretty Boy and the Cheat (no offense The Cheat).

What made it all the more sweet is that we will never have to endure hearing the 2007-2008 Patriots referred to as the greatest team in NFL history for going undefeated.  That honor still rests with the '72 Dolphins led by one of the greatest (arguably the greatest) coaches to walk the sidelines, Don Shula, who has an infinitely greater amount of class in one of his pubes than Bill Bellacheat could ever possibly hope to possess. 

All in all it was a great game.  The Giants showed poise, class, and a lot of heart.  The Patriots showed that they were in love with themselves and fell victim to their own hype, not to mention a dominant Giants defense.  Greatest team ever?  Not by a long shot.  Greatest coach ever?  Anyone who says that about Bill Bellacheat is an idiot.  Tom Brady best quarterback ever?  He can't touch Joe Montana, and in my opinion Dan Marino, even without a Super Bowl ring, was a better QB than Brady.

I hope the talk about the Pats is done.  The dynasty is dead.  In the end it wasn't that special to begin with.  Congratulations NY Giants you're going to Disney World!

By the way, the best commerical was definately the Stuey v Underdog ad.  Way to go Charlie Brown!

Get on the bus 'Bus

I spent the last week on vacation with my girlfriend and her family in the Dominican Republic.  We had a very relaxing week that, apart from an uncomfortable bed and about 24 hours of on and off explosive diarrhea, was absolutely wonderful.  I spent the week sitting on my ass by the pool, on the beach, in our room with all the food and drink included.  I found it odd and obvious though that island that Columbus happened upon in 1492 turned out exactly as he intended; the native population hard at work making the lives of tourists soft and cushy.  The staff at the resort that we were staying at were friendly and hospitable.  They took care of all our needs as best they could.  But I couldn't help but feel weird about it all.  Virtually everyone on the island are descended either from the native populace, enslaved by the Spanish, or slaves that were brought there by slave traders.  The staff work 11 day schedules followed by 3 days off, many of them living away from their families for those 11 days, then driving 5 hours to Santiago to be with their families for 3 days.  And these are the lucky ones.  There are surely plenty out there who would love to have that situation.  We are so lucky to be American.

In spite of all the issues I face as a lower middle class American I am wealthy beyond the wildest dreams of avarice of an amazingly large segment of world society so believe me, I'm grateful every day for my ancient car, my job, my health insurance, the roof over my head, and the food on my table.  But I don't have any illusions that we have a long way to go.

Economic equity, balanced with environmental responsibility, must be humanity's goal for the next 20 years.  Sustainable agriculture, fair trade practices, and the establishing of green economies will make it happen.  But it will require the world's corporate conglomerates to change the culture of their think.  

I don't dispute that corporations exist to make money, but if they can't do it without going China with lead in toys, defective products, and poisoned pet food then they will suffer with the loss of market share.  Shoddy standards allow for lowered expenses and short term profits, but down the road it's bad for business.  The collapse of the credit and real estate markets, along with the sub prime lending fiasco has led us into a recession (anyone saying we're not in one is just trying to avoid mass panic) world wide.  But in the end, the billionaires will be fine.  Don't cry for them Argentina.  It's the masses, on whose backs the billionaires make their fortunes that will suffer.  In the end they will buy less, and the billionaires will make less money (unless they work for Exxon apparently).  In my mind it's stupid not to inject quality products, made by workers getting a fair, living wage, into the market place.  But then, I'm smart enough to know that nothing gold can stay.  Maybe one of these days it will become common practice...but I'm not holding my breath.