I'm running for President. I figure if Shrub and Pampers can get elected on "Change" I can get elected on a platform of Gross National Happiness. My presidency will be a period where we're going to do what makes us happy. We'll start by having a four year Boxing Day where the bosses work for us. You might see Nancy Pelosi scrubbing toilets at the local rescue mission, or Chuck Schumer mucking the elephant pen at the Bronx Zoo. Dick Cheney could be sucking the bodily waste from port-a-johns at the Meadowlands. Who knows (nothing says "screw you ass" more than making the powerful deal with bowel movements)?
You wanna work 4 days a week but get paid for 5 days of work? You got it. How will we pay for it? Well, I figure that all the financial institutions that have borrowed money from us ought to be paying us back, at an unusually high interest rate. I mean, don't people with shit for credit have to pay the the most usurious interest rates? Well, even I have better credit than the outfits that getting our tax dollars hand over fist.
What else can you expect from President Shtuey? We're going to have a good time. Think of it as that moment you get home from work, finally get to kick back, maybe have a cold beer, and just exhale...for four years.
I foresee members of the current Congress in stocks on the National Mall being pelted with rotten produce six hours a day by passing citizens. I see your legislators mowing your lawns, taking out your trash, scrubbing your toilets, mopping your floors, picking up the dog excrement while you and your canine friends stroll on without a care...and they will be paying your taxes. I mean, they're just willy nilly taking our money and giving it to whoever the hell they want. Screw those little punks.
How incredible would it be to be able to call up Chris Dodd in Connecticut from your house in Missouri and say, "Yo Chris, my dog's anal glands need to be expressed, get the hell out here you tool!" Yeah, it'd be pretty fuckin' sweet.
We will finally embrace the weird. How's about this for a slogan? Strange You Can Believe In.
Shtuey for President. Let's live a little!