An Oh...my valve exclusive: Godless Americans are Killing Christmas!

That's right Christmas, your days are numbered. No more will I have to endure the omnipresence of yuletide carol trolls, the constant playing of Christmas musak, and parents caving each other's heads in to get the last Tickle Me Elmo. Why? Because Godless Americans PAC is on a crusade to

DESTROY CHRISTMAS FOREVER!!!

Apparently the North Carolina Republican State Executive Committee (authorized by and for the benefit of elizabeth dole committee inc) is sending out flyers against Kay Hagan saying that she has taken money from the godless founders of this godless pac that wants to, "Remove 'under God' from the pledge of allegiance." And they want to 

"ELIMINATE THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY!"

"And they want Kay Hagan in the U.S. Senate."

That's right, Kay Hagan has planned the final assault on Christmas and Oh...my valve is breaking the story wide open! When pressured, the dust bunnies under my bed revealed Hagan's secret plot to 

RID THE WORLD OF CHRISTMAS!!!

Using stealth bombers, the anti-Christmas commandos will fly to the North Pole, destroy Santa's workshop with bunker buster bombs, slaughter any surviving elves and flying reindeer, and give the presents to the godless hordes of Chinese. Then, using the flux capacitor Kay Hagan will use her amazing time traveling camel to go back to Bethlehem where she will eat the baby Jesus, and bring the magi back to our time, where they will be sold on ebay.

Yes, Republicans really spent money on this crap. And guess what? Elizabeth Dole is still an ass.